Hi Michelle

I think I just want to maintain a friendship- I know it doesn’t come across like that but I just recently lost my nan so I’m scared of losing another person right now if that makes sense. We resolved the part about the boundaries, he was more that happy to carry on the friendship and doing want we do. I messaged him asking how he was, then wished him merry Christmas and last message was an apology. I sent them messages to make sure he knew I was there for him and appreciated.

The unhealthy part is I isolated myself away from my other friends which i have been trying to change.

Hi Michelle

Yeah the I didn’t really help myself with theinstagram thing and I probably was a bit jealously but did immediately get over myself by deleting the app.

I understand, I won’t send him anymore messages and let him respond as I don’t want to sabotage the friendship. Feels clearer know. Thanks for your honesty.

Hi Anita

When I say severe I mean: constant worrying, over thinking almost everything, always needing constant reassurance so asking the same question multiple times. I’ve sabotaging so many friendships due these behaviours it’s unreal. End up coming across as self absorbed.

Thanks

Hi Anita

My friend recently called me selfish as I’m not aware of how my behaviours affect others, did explain my thinking process though. Another friend last year blocked me because I always needed constant validation and reassurance and he thought I was neglecting him

I can’t remember when it first started, been really bad over the past four years though. As to why I guess…whenever I end up finding someone that likes me as a friend, I kind of end up loving that person so much it sucks the energy out of them by asking the same things over and over again. I think it’s because I’m scared that if I don’t make the effort they’ll forget about me and hate me and if they don’t message me back in a certain time frame, I assume they no longer want to he friends. I then end up asking loads of questions.

Hope it makes sense

Thanks

Hi Anita

Yes that’s right! I don’t want to have to repeatably bother someone but irrational thoughts take over which leads to asking the same things over and over again or messaging someone repeatedly. So recently for example I messaged my friend because I was upset and needed someone to talk to to but because he didn’t email back immediately I sent him more messages. I went to stay away from my phone!

Yes I understand I shouldn’t and I’m really trying to work on it as it’s not healthy for me or them. What ways did you try?

In the last four years…during undergraduate I became friends with this guy, became really good friends. I then developed feelings for him through helping him (he would only really talk to me at times) but then once he was better he totally forgot about me and would emotionally torment me at times. It was my fault in the sense I let it happen. He did abuse the friendship trust at times and I didn’t really say anything to him as I was holding on. That then led onto me meeting my online friend (the subject of this blog). So whenever he disappeared I would get anxious and start over messaging him as again I thought I would lose him.

What I should have said is that with my friend, he helped me through alot but recently told me I was using him as substitute for professional help and it was putting him in a awkward situation. After that I felt like I had drained him over the three years. Which led him to say everything was one sided. So it sucked his energy in the process? Yes you’re right I get scared a lot

Yes, I have a very up and down relationship with my parents. Very volatile at times.

Thanks!