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Did I do the right thing?

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  • March 30, 2017 at 1:42 pm #142995
    carey bounds
    Participant

    I am a 41 year old divorced mom of three, and have been dating a never married 42 year old father of one for a year and eight months. Our relationship has been really great for the most part,  I love and respect him immensely, and although I don’t believe in the concept of “the one,” he is about as close as I can imagine.  The problem began when I attempted to discuss if we were working toward moving in together.  I am not attached to the idea of marriage, but living together is very important to me.  He indicated that he would consider living together but needed more time.  That was 11 months ago, and the only thing that has changed is that he recently began seeing a counselor for his “commitment issues.”  He did live with his ex for over six years, so that tells me the problem is with me.  While I appreciate him working on the problem, I just began to feel I might end up waiting around only to find that he would never commit.  It got to the point that I was deeply unhappy and depressed, so I ended the relationship.  I have started to question if I did the right thing….opinions?

    March 30, 2017 at 4:37 pm #143009
    CB3
    Participant

    Dear Carey Bounds,

    You did the proper thing!

    You presented your feelings and ideas in a rational way and even waited, and waited, and waited for a response, acknowledgement, or progression only to be left idly waiting.  Even if “Mr. Great for the most part” didn’t want to move in or had a different plan he never presented it to you (or he may have, not sure only you know) but clearly enough lack luster was present for you to make an informed and direct action.   If he has a change of heart or a moment of clarity, would you conciser rekindling?  That’s the true question, if the answer is yes, you two have some unfinished business, if no…..well then your actions are well founded.

    As for him living with is ex for such an extended period, I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT INTERNALIZE THAT! As an outsider, that seem more a convenience (dare I say crutch….) than a solution or an expression of independence.

    Carey Bounds, I think you did the absolute right thing!

    March 30, 2017 at 6:17 pm #143017
    Craig
    Participant

    Dear Carey Bounds, If you got to the point of being deeply unhappy and depressed, then it makes sense that you changed something. You can’t change your partner, and you had shared your desires with him. You didn’t change yourself to become satisfied with the status quo (I’m NOT suggesting you should – I’m only walking through the options). All that’s left to change is to look elsewhere for what you want and need.

    It’s possible – but don’t count on it – that your decision will trigger your ex to re-examine himself and what he wants, and he may return to your life. But don’t wait around for that.

    Best wishes.

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