Please give me answers about his behaviour

So there was a guy I was in college with. I was randomly affectionate with him drunk, and his eyes lit up. He couldn’t take his eyes off me in school. I was terrified, I had never been in a relationship and sober I started to feel scared. (I have had a v. rocky childhood, didn’t come from secure family, depression self esteem problems) and I started to gradually distance myself from him. I knew he was hurt but I did not want to lead him into me investing in something I wasn’t emotionally ready for. He stared and stared at me as we spoke less to we eventually ignored each other. I felt guilt, I didn’t want him to notice me but I didn’t want him to think I didn’t care. So I emailed and apologised for my strange behaviour without being too detailed and said I understood if he didn’t want to talk. He replied instantly and gave some bizzare excuse of ‘yeah sorry I have been too busy to talk to you.’ Which I guess was him trying to protect his ego. we went for coffee, we spoke about everything except my actions.
Fast forward to this year – he still stared and stared. If I was near he’d try draw attention to himself and put on weird accents to see if I would respond. I found out he’d drunkenly kissed a few girls as he seems to party a lot, it hurt like hell. He didn’t hang out with these girls just when he was drunk and wanted affection. We went on a class trip abroad. He saw me speaking to another guy and he said to my friend pissed off – ‘who is she talking to?’ I saw a flash and he’d taken a photo? I was childishly annoyed he had kissed another girl. I know i don’t own him. And I thought I really had to try and live for myself and stop waiting for him. So I kissed a guy in a club. When we got back he heard about it and he didn’t believe it. (He obviously has me pegged as socially awkward) he seemed to be sulking ALL day. If any time… someone mentions or brings up a good looking guy and I agree he walks away – even if I had no feelings for them. But weirdly we started talking a lot more and making an effort – even flirty. Then I walk by and see him with a girl and my instincts told me something was going on and I was right. His jaw dropped when I walked by, like it was something he was keeping a secret. Someone was teasing me about liking this weird guy as a total joke and he walked away , sighed like he was aggitated, hardly subtle and drunkenly kissed his girl. I have no idea if he had spoken about me or she had seen him looking at me. Because I got filthy looks from her. Something must have happened because she constantly glared at me. And he constantly stared at me too when she wasn’t around.
I tried to be brave and still have a relationship with him. I did ~ my best friend knows all about this and is close to him. She said oh we were talking about you. He put his hands on his head and said ‘really what did she say? Tell me tell me?’ And she was kidding and said ‘she said you’re really good looking’ apparently he said ‘WHat? Really?’ And went bright red and was delighted the whole day. one day before this I asked for something in return for a book. He gave it to me and the object actually belonged to his grandfather. I went in to thank him and this was since my friend talked to him. He went flaming red when I walked in and I said ‘I’ll treasure it’ and hugged him. He could not catch his breath. It was so so sweet. I spent more time with him and he told me personal things about his family. The girl he is apparently seeing and him – when together sober seem like they don’t really know each other? The hug in a friendly way and seem to be ‘catching up.’ She asked him to go for coffee, or go for a drink and he said ‘you look tired you should probably go home’ hardly romantic.

So there was an end of year event and my heart was broken when I saw them together. I needed to just speak to him and ask him how he really felt about me. In hindsight this was stupid. This girl was there and I was drunk. But after him glancing at me 4 times while dancing I had enough. I asked him if I could speak to him and he followed willingly into a corner.
I said how do you feel about me and he said ‘you go first’ and I made him go first. ‘I see you as a friend, platonically.’ And I was actually drunkenly gob smacked. So I started to pull him up on his behaviour. ‘Why did you take a photo of me when I spoke to another guy? Why do you react so strongly at the mention of other men? Why did you go bright red when I hugged you? Why did you give me what belonged to your grand father?
~ well you asked for it and she didn’t
~ I wasn’t expecting you that’s why I blushed
~ yeah maybe I did take a photo, but I’m seeing someone

I was so angry but I held my composure as best I could.
I know I put him in an awkward position.
But you know what he asked me I did like this weird boy. (Why does he care?)
I said he wasn’t my type.
He asked me what my type was. (?)
I said maybe I try and fix people.
‘Do you want to fix me?’
I told him I thought he was a lying.

He wasn’t at all sympathetic to me. He seemed delighted.
We spoke about our personal problems. He asked what I thought about .
We spoke for nearly an hour and later on people were convinced we were an item because it looked so intimate.
He said I was an enigma and that he thought I was a lot smarter than him. I feel like I’ve built him up to me this secretly deep tortured soul but at the end of the day he just wants a girl he can be drunk with.
His gf was watching for quite a long time. She came over and he introduced me as ‘my friend’
I actually wanted to die.
I think I was hard on him during our conversation. I’m ashamed of my drunken words and how I just got so frustrated with him and said ‘maybe I just see you as a brother’ and he looked disgusted.

I texted him to say ‘I’m glad we had a chat. I value you’
That took a lot to say.
And he never replied.
My friend saw him and he could barely look her in the eye and was extremely shy and awkward because she obviously knows.
I don’t know what to think.
I’m not sure if he’s scared to get close to me. Maybe he doesn’t like me? I am going crazy trying to understand. If I am his friend why didn’t he reply?
I feel so sad and depressed about this- it took so much courage for me to try and talk to him about this. I feel like I gave him an opportunity or a chance and he blew it. All of my friends don’t get why I like him, they think I’m too good for him but I do like him a lot and I just feel miserable and hate myself.
It’s making me feel worthless and silly , that maybe he was telling the truth . He either didnt reply because he’s playing it cool after I tried to expose him which he evaded responsibility for. Or else he genuinely just wants me to go away
Has anyone gone through this?