Home→Forums→Relationships→did he lie about his feelings?
- This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 10 months ago by
Eliana.
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June 9, 2017 at 6:00 am #152518
AnonymousGuestDear heather:
You made a lot of assumptions about what he thinks and what he feels without checking with him to see if your assumptions are true. Here are your assumptions and possible other explanations:
“his eyes lit up”- you assumed it meant he liked you in a special way. Maybe he just opened his eyes wide in surprise.
” He couldn’t take his eyes off me in school… He stared and stared at me…he still stared and stared”- you assumed he was looking at you with longings. Maybe he was just looking in your direction, not at you specifically.
“I knew he was hurt”- you assumed he was hurt. Maybe he didn’t notice that you distanced yourself from him.
“He replied instantly and gave some bizzare excuse of ‘yeah sorry I have been too busy to talk to you.’ Which I guess was him trying to protect his ego”- maybe it was not an excuse, maybe he was too busy or just uninterested.
“If I was near he’d try draw attention to himself and put on weird accents to see if I would respond.”- you assumed he was trying to draw your individual attention. Maybe he was trying to draw anyone’s attention, or he was just having fun.
“he seemed to be sulking ALL day.” – you assumed he was thinking of you. Maybe he was experiencing some physical discomfort, an upset stomach, for example, and that is the distress seen on his face.
“His jaw dropped when I walked by”- again, an assumption that he had an emotional reaction to you walking by, while he may not have noticed you walking by.
I will stop here with the examples, there are so many. Basically, you make a lot of assumptions based on what you FEEL, how you interpret his facial and body expressions, without checking or verifying your assumptions. Then you base your behavior on these assumptions. The conversation you had with him eventually indicate to me that most of your assumptions, maybe all reported here, were incorrect.
Challenge your assumptions, consider different possibilities, and verify with the person via a clear, honest, straightforward conversation, sooner, better than later.
anita
June 9, 2017 at 3:10 pm #152604
ElianaParticipantHi Heather,
From your post, this going back and forth has been going on an awfully long time. So, I will make my reply short, and let me know what you think.
Do you think if you two were meant to be together, it would have happened by now? There are too many great men out there who after a few months of really dating you, and really wanting to get to know you, without all these staring games, they are out there and they want to be with you! I would let this dead-end guy go, and focus on a man who is ready and willing to take you out on a date, and after a few dates, he can stare into your eyes romantically, wondering what it would be like to kiss you. Yes, they are great men out there like that. Let me know what you think.
June 9, 2017 at 4:31 pm #152606
heatherParticipantHi Eliana,
I think you’re right. In many ways it would be a lot easier for me if I could say ‘maybe i’m looking into things too much!’ but I’ve had mutual friends ask me whats going on between us, without me saying a word. So I can’t say it is based on my own assumptions. I actually denied that he liked me, but it got the stage where it was just obvious. We’re both still young. If he spoke about girls to me, I’d get the picture. But he doesn’t. His behaviour is just totally unsubtle. Taking a photo of the back of my head because i spoke to another guy, asking people who i was talking to. Why would he care? Why did he go bright red when someone said i thought he was good looking? Seriously. Now he is aware that I was intune to his behaviour and maybe he’s embarrassed. I don’t know.
He made excuses. I think you are right. Why should I be pining over someone who seems to think I will always be in the background waiting for him. It’s as though he just expected I would be okay for him to act like this. His girlfriend most certainly doesn’t like me. despite me never saying a word to her.
The mature thing for him to do would be to reply to my text and say ‘Ok!’ if he really did see me as a friend. Because we tell each other personal things. He’s playing games again. I also am proud that i actually was the one to be courageous and to address what has been going on between us.
My question for you is – how do i react to him when I see him next week? I would rather not see him, but I have to for college.
I feel like ignoring him.
Thank you for your response. I hope I can meet someone at the right time.
June 9, 2017 at 5:35 pm #152612ElianaParticipantHi Heather,
As you mentioned, he now has a girlfriend. Think about all she has to go through with being with such an emotionally unstable man..and look at yourself as starting a new life, with great new opportunities at your college..wow..think how exciting that will be for you. All the new friends you will make, the great looking men you will encounter.
Before you know it, you will get caught up in all this new excitement, one day you will wake up thinking about something, a new class at college, a new social activity or athletic event, a cute guy you saw in class, your studies..it will most likely be a large campus, and I really doubt you will run into your ex. Try to avoid him at as much as you can, try to stay away from his girlfriend or any of his friends, just make a clean break from him. He does not deserve anything from you at this time, as he has moved on, and show your self you are a strong, independent women who can be happy without him, and you don’t even have to say anything to him. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself and analyze what he is thinking about, or what you will say to him. If you see him, just give him a polite nod, or smile and keep moving like you have people to see and places to go.
Why should he have all the fun? Do things for you to make you happy. You already are actually by embarking on an exciting new journey, college is awesome. When I got my degrees I forgot all about my exes because I was busy going to dances, joining the college newspaper, athletics, honor clubs. You will too, and as the days go by, you will think of him and his girlfriend less and less because you will be so busy with your new life. Heck with him right? Let me know what you think.
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