Andre,

Without the proper influences, it is indeed difficult to harbor a positive mindset along with developing a loving character. However, please be of some ease. Your actions of seeking help/advice proves that you want to better your being for yourself and for your loved ones and are seeking to bloom. There is grand context in your action so smile a little.

Please understand that when we maintain negative habits that they become difficult to remove therefore do not believe you will be able to become a better person in a short amount of time (although possible). Instead, retain the view of constantly improving yourself and regardless of how little improvement you feel you’ve made it will be some improvement nonetheless hence something you can be delighted about. And, similarly to when we learn math: we cannot go from learning addition then straight to physics. Improvements, advancements and growth are developed over a period of time. The timetable may sound despairing but all grand things requires careful nurturing. Your life and your loved ones are important to you so you should take your time.

For now, do your best to practice mindfulness. Remember that thoughts precede all actions hence take care of your thoughts. Before speaking/acting, always first think of the possible consequences and how you would feel if these things were said/done to you. This is more easily done when you retain a general loving and compassionate mentality. Eventually, everything will become tendency become easier; just remember that this will require your effort.

Wishing You Harmony,

Al