Depression or Anxiety?

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 7 months ago by Mandy.

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August 14, 2014 at 10:03 am #63372

Amanda
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So tonight I had something weird happen.. I wasn’t able to sleep and I started just crying and crying from all my “problems”…

-I don’t know what to do with my life. I don’t know what my passion is career wise and I have asked God for what seems like ever to give me a sign or intuition, or something to lead me into the right direction. I have had anxiety since I start school next week (Sophomore in Community college), and don’t know if i’m taking the right classes or just wasting time.

-I am alone. Besides my family and a few people I know from the gym, I have no one. My best friends dropped me as a friend as I was emotional my senior year of high school (my parents cheated on each other) and they left me cold and dry. This killed me my senior year..I literally sat in the bathroom during break because I had no one. And when I tried to reach out to my friends, they ignored me. To this day, I still have dreams about them, which constantly haunts me! Not to mention I have to see them living their lives as best friends on social media.

-I am very self conscious about my appearance. People may tell me i’m “pretty”, but I hardly see it. I have a history of eating disorders (anorexia my senior year when my friends dropped me), I have put on healthy weight but lately have felt fat. I also have bad acne that no one is really aware of since I cover it with makeup 24/7. It is my absolute biggest insecurity and I have tried everything to get rid of it.

After crying for a while, I felt hunger. So I got up, but didn’t feel like I was in my body or really conscious I suppose. I got up, looked through my floor length mirror, and stood there paralyzed, looking at my body and face and couldn’t stop thinking how pathetic and ugly I was. I went to go get some food, but still didn’t feel in my body. I eventually took a sleeping pill and fell asleep.

Was this “episode” just extreme anxiety or depression? I have never has the feeling of no control over my body, so that was a first. However, I have had many nights sporadically where I can’t help but cry over my life and who I am. I feel so much pain and that sometimes I question the point of living (not suicidal though). I just hope my life isn’t like this forever..

August 14, 2014 at 3:25 pm #63387

lil.lily
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Hello @Amanda

I know how you feel. I question my life all the time. I am more stressed because school is about to start and I am graduating the end of the year hopefully.

I had switched my major before, I mean honestly… a lot of people go through it. I am depressed right now too.. but I am trying to keep my head up.
I am like always stress and crying almost all the time too. I am very busy always, work, working out, hanging out with friends, volunteering and school will start soon.

I think it happens to everyone. Maybe try and see a counselor? Are you sure you have no one at all? Im pretty sure you do, I mean.. I have friends, and acquaintances. A lot of friends from high school are not real friends anyways. Try to reach out at your community college, join organizations…

I mean I am only depressed because of being heart broken, I know I am strong. Always hope, and pray. Have hope. Also.. Find what you really love, what interests you? That can help you find what you want to do as a career. Whatever you do, just take pride, be confident.

Confidence is key, also joining organizations has helped me decide what I really want to do in life, make sure.. that you finish school or at least get your BA degree.

Life is very hard, and I want to give up all the time.. I am a real emotional woman. but in the end, I am head strong. I am just a dreamer always. But I gotta be strong, and you should too! You will make it. Think of positive things, do positive activities.

Best,
S

August 15, 2014 at 7:25 am #63434

Ed Herzog
Participant

Amanda – I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I can imagine that experiencing so much all at once can be overwhelming.

Honestly, have you considered speaking with a counselor? I really think with all that you’re going through, it may be a good idea. Your community college may have free or low-cost counseling available. You also mentioned God. If you go to a church, they may have services available. And a lot of communities offer low-cost services based on your ability to pay.

I hope this helps and that you find some peace.

Best,

Ed

August 16, 2014 at 4:01 pm #63518

BenzRabbit
Participant

Hi Amanda,

You have your entire life ahead of you – take corrective steps now to make sure you don’t go into depression which can be very difficult !

Your main issue seems to be your self-esteem/confidence. Here are links to 2 articles – please read them:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Loneliness

Also, here is the link to a song called You’re not alone by Meredith Andrews – pl. listen to it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FXLo3aCkuQ

I pray your Angels guide you forward.

God bless !

September 5, 2014 at 11:34 am #64431

Mandy
Participant

Amanda,

I think that many young women have been where you are. I suffered greatly with sadness and self esteem issues when I got out of high school. I think that for me, what has helped me to overcome my feelings of insufficiency and worthlessness, has just been to try to love everyone around me and use my talents to make life better for others.
It is possible that you may need counseling or even medication to help balance things out or to be able to sort through the pain and the fears, and there is NO SHAME in needing help. I have been to counseling, and also take Paxil to help control my anxiety issues (though currently I am pregnant, so I am off of the meds temporarily!).
Buddhism has taught me to keep in mind that all things are temporary, both good and bad.
It will not always be this way! There will always be ups and downs, but overall, life is a beautiful gift. You will do great things in your life, don’t let negativity keep you down! I’m rooting for you! 🙂
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