Depression, extraordinary loneliness - need to talk to anyone!

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This topic has 23 replies, 13 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 5 months ago by Dermot.

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June 25, 2014 at 10:11 pm #59585

Ash
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hey Dermot

look i don’t know you, but for some reason what i just read kind of i don’t know..touched me in a way
last summer i had the same problem, i was lonely and sad and just all over depressed. The truth is, we don’t know the future. You could wake up tomorrow and meet the love of your life and be changed forever.You can find the root of the problem and come to terms with it. Or, you can build up immense motivation and break out of this caging shell of yours.It may be a stretch, but i think it could happen. Something’s going to work out for you, i can feel it.
If you can’t be around humans, i suggest getting animals to comfort you and fulfill your social needs. They help a lot! and as for going to the doctor, i do think medicine can help your condition. Maybe have your mom go with you, or someone you completely know and trust? i don’t know what exactly you are feeling, but i can say that you have a purpose on this earth, and you haven’t found it yet, but i promise it’s there, and you will find it. i don’t know how to make you feel any better, but know that life goes on, and you will find your way out of this labyrinth of suffering. I’m not one of those big religious people, but if you are, maybe you can find strength through that. Good luck with your journey..this is just a pitstop..

June 26, 2014 at 8:13 pm #59668

TT
Participant

Dermot 🙂
Accepting yourself is very important. Live side by side with your avoidance behavior because hating that aspect of you is going to diminish your esteem. At one point I was so afraid of people myself that I would double question myself “am I standing in the right way, am I holding the handrail (of the subway) in the right way” etc. My mind would go blank and start sweating when I accidentally made eye contact with anyone. Took me some time to realize that nobody actually cared, or would have remembered afterward. When was the last time you remembered a stranger days/weeks from your initial glance at them :)?

TT

June 29, 2014 at 2:04 pm #59858

shikha
Participant

Dermont,
Why don’t u involve urself in chanting or meditating. As anandita mentioned about sgi, even am member of this wonderful organization. U said u avoid people…but u will have to deal with this… you will have to come out from this shell. Most depressions can be dealt with one’s own determination to recover. I would suggest u to become part of some mediation camp or buddhist chanting group like sgi. People are non judgemental and in such spiritual groups. Take actions to help youself then to just sit before pc and cribbing about depression. More you think that you are depressed more u will get into self pity. sorry if i am rude.

June 30, 2014 at 7:28 am #59931

Dermot
Participant

Thanks guys I appreciate the responses, I just ordered some books on Amazon about Buddhism and philosophy. I hope they can change my state of mind and maybe help me get motivated to try and change. I also am planning on going out to the city centre alone one of these days when i have my books and just reading them in starbucks or something so that I will at least maybe get used to being around people.

Maybe things will change, wish me luck guys!

🙂

June 30, 2014 at 7:52 am #59936

Kendra
Participant

Good Morning Dermot
Sounds like you have a good plan for how to start integrating into the world. You have gotten some great advice and it’s nice to see you are working things in to help you get started. The most important journey begins with that first step and I wish you all the luck in the word. You express yourself very intelligently and I have no doubt once people are able to get to know you there will be wonderful things in store for you. Please keep us updated on your progress and feel free to reach out anytime you need a place to talk or just vent. Have a great day.

June 30, 2014 at 3:02 pm #59985

leajay
Participant

Evening Dermot,

Have you ever thought about putting your feelings into an art form? Be it painting, poetry, music etc? I understand this isn’t exactly a solution, but my usual way of coping with any negative feeling is to try and make a positive from it and go from there. I paint and draw most days but I find that when I have a strong emotional feeling in my heart, it really produces my best work (I think most artists would say the same).

If you were to produce something creative, the internet is a great way to share it and create a dialogue about it. I think this might be good for you as getting feedback might build confidence and help you to bond with other people. I understand your condition makes it almost impossible for you to socialise with others, so perhaps something creative might help you to express yourself and your struggles and enable you to release some of your frustration.

In order to feel more comfortable around other people, it might help to sit and observe. I regularly sketch people in cafes, on the train, in the park etc. You can get a lot out of a human being simply by silently observing and capturing them.

My art teacher once told me “Wherever you are, your art will always remain a faithful companion. Use it to connect with the world around you.” It stuck with me and i’ve held it dear to my heart every since.

I wish you all the best!
-LJ

July 1, 2014 at 12:42 am #60019

Warrior of Light
Participant

Hi Dermot.

I want to commend you on sharing and socializing here. I know you said it’s extremely painful for you to be social, and I want to honor the courage takes to share your pain and suffering to strangers.

I’m sensing an immense amount of shame hidden in your words. It seems like you feel you don’t deserve these things – happiness, love, support, relationships – but I assure you that you are worthy of them all. I noticed a lot of “I can’t’s” in your posts. Something I find useful is to change “I can’t” to “I won’t” – “I won’t go out and socialize”, “I won’t look for a job”, etc. Doing so give you some wiggle room because it’s implying you having free choice rather than it being some extraneous entity beyond your control. Since you have some time on your hands now is the time to get curious about yourself. What about going outside, having a relationship, searching for a job scares the crap outta you? How does staying inside, avoiding socializing, or beating yourself because you “can’t/won’t” help protect you/keeps you safe? And from what?

Many others’ here already gave you plenty of wonderful advice. Take things gradually. Gently push the edge of your comfort zone. You already seem very uncomfortable so what do you have to lose? Keep in mind you’re challenging some deep seated beliefs, some true and most untrue. It is a difficult, anxiety-provoking, and painful process to challenge our deep seated wounds.

Having support always helps, but only from people you trust. And if you won’t trust (some) people, again, get curious about it. Remember you have the support of us Tiny Buddhists here, and we do our best to support each other.

Be gentle with yourself… You are worthy of everything you think you’re not…

Peace and love,
Weston

July 5, 2014 at 11:25 am #60248

ayame
Participant

Hi Dermot,

I felt like I had to reply to your post.
Don’t let this disorder define you; in fact, step away from the word ‘disorder’. It sounds like you are an intelligent guy with a lot to give and you have acknowledged that your current way of thinking and living is not helping you. This is the first step.

The second step is committing to change. I am experiencing my own difficulties at present and this is the step I’m struggling with.

Don’t let your age stop you either. I didn’t have sex until a month or do before my 21st birthday; don’t let your age or your ideas about age define you. What has gone before does not have to dictate the present or the future.

I think you could try and look into cognitive behavioural therapy which helps you to change your ideas about things.

I really feel for you and please know that you are not alone.

Best wishes x

July 8, 2014 at 12:15 pm #60426

Dermot
Participant

Hi guys,
I just wanted to say thanks again, the recent advice does seem good. I like the idea of giving myself wiggle room with the i wont instead of i cant phrase.
Also i absolutely wish i could sketch and draw but i am very bad at art unfortunately. I actually tried a little while ago drawing women, but the poor souls all came out looking like transvestites 😛

Thank you all for caring, sorry this thread keeps getting bumped but every now and then i feel the need to come on and see what has happened to it and just cant resist but say thank you. Just tell me to stop if you are sick of it.

Thanks again, i wish things could get better….dark days my friends, fyi still waiting on my books 😀
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