Hi!

I highly recommend this article if you haven’t read it already. I have it bookmarked, and I re-read it often: http://dev.tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-maintain-a-healthy-relationship-when-youre-depressed/

Share it with your boyfriend too. Maybe it will help him understand you and your mentality a little bit better.

It’s always hard to maintain peaceful, loving relationships with other people when you’re feeling depressed. I’ve been there. I have a history of feeling depressed, and it still sneaks up on me sometimes. I can just go into a funk from anywhere to a few hours to a few days, and it affects everyone around me.

But the article I shared above really helps me whenever that happens.

Good luck!!

Depression is very common when in a relationship. I know because it has always been perhaps the main reason why the majority of my past relationships failed.
Being very young at the time, I would say it was all to do with lack of experience in not knowing how to effectively manage my emotions and feelings.

When you genuinely love someone, that feeling is very easy to transform into obsession if it isn’t managed properly. It’s a very common condition, which affects many people.
You begin to develop jealousy, paranoia and a feeling of hopelessness where you almost feel lost without your partner. This results in neediness and anxiety issues.

It wasn’t until I was out of the relationship that i realized where I was going on and knew that the biggest thing I should have changed was my lifestyle.

It’s very common for couples to give up most of their lifestyle in order to better fit their partner, and spend most of his/her time with them, which eventually starts to cause a strain in the relationship. Because of this massive strain, either one or both of them begins to feel heavily invested, which what begins kick starts the symptoms I mentioned above.

With this experience in mind, I understood that in order to keep a healthy perspective in your relationship, you MUST ensure that you lead a balanced life. Focus on a balanced lifestyle by incorporating things you’re happy with and one that makes you fulfilled. Take part in hobbies you enjoy, have ambition, spend time with friends and family and above all, your personal health.

If you do this, you’ll find that your relationships will feel much better and not feel like you need to be in one in order to be happy. In other words, you’ll be in it for the right reasons instead of in it due to wanting to fill a void in yourself.

If you can get in a place where you want your partner rather than need them in your life, then you’ll have developed a solid foundation to build on.

I was mildly depressed without realising it in a previous, rather controlling relationship (we were engaged to be married), partly from him and also lots unresolved emotional teenage issues that I just ignored. He didn’t understand mental health at all, and as a result was unsupportive to the point I was too scared to express my thoughts for fear of rejection – I was about to turn 30, had been seriously ill and didn’t think anyone else would ever want me.. Which 2 years on I realise is UTTER CRAP and if he really did love me, he would of stuck by me and helped rather than leaving me to go to the depths of despair that pretty much had me thinking suicide was a far better idea than living – this is never a real option! Its a permanent solution to a temporary problem – and one you will overcome!

Fortunately after a dabble in severe depression and anxiety caused by a number of major life events I’ve met someone wonderful, who ‘gets me’ and loves me for who I am. ~I never thought it would be possible to heal my heart nor mind at times but one thing I did learn was that you have to learn to love yourself before you can be truly loved. He challenges me on my views and supports me fully and even after spending an evening holding my hand in a&e on Sunday night whilst I was being very cranky and in pain, made me realise he is the one for me.

Your quote ‘i feel like a horrible person’ makes me sad. You really are not – you just are thinking the wrong way and focusing on all the negatives in your life, which overshadow all the wonderful things. Is everything you do horrible? Are you horrible because your brushed your teeth this morning? Are you horrible that you have realised you need support? No no and no! You are strong – you wouldn’t be here otherwise!

Also parents are funny beings. How mine ever got together and had my brother and me has left me often wondering HOW??!! They had a vile relationship, which undoubtedly has affected me (and my brother) – same goes for my boyfriend – his parents too had a horrible relationship but you know what – you are not them! It is physically impossible to be them or even know what’s in their heads. Your life is for living as you want – not how they see fit or have done. Use them as an example to learn from not be affected by. You can’t change the past so don’t try to change things you can’t. Just be the best you can and support them as best as you can.

I did 6 weeks of REBT therapy earlier this year, which was brilliant and completely changed my way of thinking and my life. It wasn’t easy at times, often resulting in tears and anger but the therapy taught me to enjoy life again, engage with it and appreciate what I have – not what I don’t have. A great tool was from ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ book of writing down all the positive things that happened in your day and never the negative stuff! I also have a pink fairy book of gratitude that I write down positive comments in and thoughts, its handy when you have low days. Which I still do but they are fortunately in the minority and no longer the majority.

Good luck and don’t ever feel alone. embrace life, open your heart and love – don’t be afraid!