Dear Tessa:

Reducing your levels of distress will help with weight loss as it does with so many issues. I think it is very helpful to do aerobic exercise, fast walking (safer than running) or fast swimming (again, easy on joints) about 30 minutes per day. It doesn’t only burn calories, but forces you to breathe. When I am distressed, my breathing gets shallow. Once I am on a fast walk, my breathing becomes deep.

I was wondering about what reads to me like a contradiction in your post above. You wrote :My family is also very toxic…My two sisters and my mother are severely mentally ill”

But you also wrote: “I’m trying to do all the right things…I still try to see friends and family.”

How is seeing a toxic family “the right thing”?

anita

Dear Tessa:

I see: so as far as the contradiction I was wondering about, what you are saying is that it is the right thing for your mental health to be in contact with your very toxic family members because not to be in contact with them will be more harmful to your mental health.

When I cut contact with my mother, I did feel a whole lot of guilt, so I do relate to the concern that it will hurt you more. In my case, on the long run, cutting contact with her was necessary for my healing.

But of course, my situation, my circumstances are not the same as yours.

It may be nothing of importance, but you wrote: “cutting them off entirely from my life would hurt more than trying to keep them in my life despite their issues”- interesting to me that you used “their issues” –

I am thinking, from reading your posts here and in previous threads, that you have seen yourself separate from them, as in “their issues” are not your issues, not affecting your issues. As if you are the healthy and unaffected party to the familial mental illness and dysfunction.

Do you feel that you are separate from them, unaffected by whatever afflicts them?

anita

Dear Tessa:

You are already struggling, “Depressed for the first time” (title of your thread). Do whatever it takes to protect and promote your mental well being on the long run. Often short term distress- when dealt with successfully (often while attended therapy or otherwise having someone’s support)- is what is required for long term well bein.

anita

Dear Tessa:

Stepping away “from all of the commotion” of your life reads to me like a good plan. Regarding your ill sister, well, there is no closeness for you to step away from because she is resting much of the time. You can send her a get-well card once in a while, something you may draw and color yourself, just to let her know you are sorry she is suffering and wishing her well. Once in a couple of weeks, let’s say.

Regarding your mother, you may want to forgo the cease-fire-phases in order to avoid the battle-phases. It is possible for two people to have only one phase, peace and peaceful resolutions of conflicts. There need not be war, it is too draining.

Yes, stepping away from all that commotion, from war, perhaps, is a good idea.

anita