Home→Forums→Relationships→Depressed due to guilt and fear
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July 30, 2016 at 9:00 pm #111028ravi_zimmerfanParticipant
Nothing. I’ll discuss it with a couple of other friends and then send it. If she replies that she’s firmly decided to not continue our bond ever again, I’ll accept. And it’ll be the last of me here as well. My purpose of being here was reuniting with her. If it fails, then I don’t see any more purpose for me here. I’ll always be grateful for all your help and guidance, Anita.
July 30, 2016 at 9:19 pm #111030AnonymousGuestDear Ravi:
Your choice.
anita
July 31, 2016 at 12:01 am #111042ravi_zimmerfanParticipantAlright then. I’ll try to send the message soon, when the time is right. If I don’t post here again, in which case this is my last post, you may assume the worst possible outcome. In that case please hope for a quick and speedy death for me, because that would be far preferable than living the rest of my life with the pain of having lost her forever. That’s not histrionics, that’s just my nature. It was a pleasure meeting you and discussing everything with you, Anita. You’re one of the few who stood by me in my darkest of times and the amount of time and effort you invested in trying to reach the roots of my problems and eradicating them, as a sincere well wisher, truly overwhelmed me. Hardly anyone else ever did so much for me. The world would be such a better place if there were more good people like you out there. Thanks for everything and I’m sorry for any hurt or inconvenience I caused you. I’m forever indebted to you and I pray from the bottom of my heart for your well being, always. Thanks again and best wishes.
July 31, 2016 at 1:08 am #111044ravi_zimmerfanParticipantPS~ I’ll try to send the message in a week or two, due to some reasons.
July 31, 2016 at 6:54 am #111055AnonymousGuestDear Ravi:
Thank you for your kind words. You are welcome. I am interested in your well being and have been throughout this thread. Often I simply wanted Jerry and you to be in-communication again just so that you will be happy, and so if I had a magic wand, I would have made it happen.
After all this time and understanding on this very thread, I see things differently. And this very thread is an opportunity for you to learn and change what needs to be changed and live a way better life than you have now, a way better life that you will have if you don’t change some things. To be the hero in your own life, the Tintin, the LionKing, you have to persist and not give up.
If you are about love, Ravi, and not about grandiose declarations of love; if you are about sincerity and not histrionics; if you are about reality and not fantasy… if you are about health and not sickness, you will not give up this ongoing opportunity right here.
This message has love in it, love for Jerry. In this last version of the message you give her a great gift: you are telling her that she is safe, that she did nothing wrong; that she never acted anything different than a sister to you. This has been her main concern, her worry, her anxiety since March. So you are telling her- and for anyone reading the message- that she did nothing wrong, never crossed the lines of a sister.
In this message, you are giving her another gift: you are telling her that she is not responsible for your pain and depression; that you are the one responsible for those. This is another loving gift- you free her from any possible unjustified guilt she may be carrying about hurting you. You free her from pain, or you give her the opportunity to be free of pain.
In this message, you give her a third gift, the gift to be free of you, if she so wishes. You let her know that you will not stalk her, that if she chooses, you will no longer contact her. This is your third gift of love to Jerry.
You see, all those declerations of love were not about love but something else. They were about: look at me, Ravi! I am the only one that matters! I am suffering! I’d rather be dead! She, Jerry, is at fault. I will make her see that she is hurting me, making me suffer! She is unfair and cruel! She is wrong.
While all along she was not wrong. You were hurting but that was not her doing. You, Ravi, were your focus, not Jerry. It was all about you, not about her.
Your sentence in your last post to me, let’s read it: ” please hope for a quick and speedy death for me, because that would be far preferable than living the rest of my life with the pain of having lost her forever”
Well, Ravi, before you die, whenever that will be- and it will be as we all die- be the Tintin of your life story, reach out for something noble and honorable. Something noble and honorable is love. Love Jerry by sending her your message and then let go and be at peace because you gave Jerry three gifts of true love. The fourth would be to stay true to your message to her, either way- live up to it if she responds positively and if she doesn’t respond or responds negatively. The fourth gift comes after you send the message.
I can help you with the fourth gift.
anita
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