To be specific, here’s the conversation I had with her and her sister (condensed version):

Sister – Hey… my sister has a message for you. She does not want to continue this bond anymore as it’s not brotherly.
Me – Please tell her I’m ready to do keep it a bro-sis bond only if that’s all acceptable to her.
Sister – But how can she trust you to keep your word and keep it a brotherly bond only from now on? It’s easier said than done.
Me – I’m willing to do anything to preserve our bond.
Sister – To the extent of having the chutzpah to call her sis again? You’ll sink so low?
Me – You don’t understand. I never meant any harm, she just means a lot to me.
Sister – We did not expect this from you. My sister trusted you, she genuinely felt you cared for her as a sister! Do you have any idea how much your deeds affected her?
Me – I never meant anything wrong! Just because I had some feelings, doesn’t mean I stopped caring for her. Is even having feelings bad?
Sister – YES! It is WRONG! It is BAD! Not expected! We did not expect you to transform from a humble and caring brother into a bloodthirsty monster. No good person in the Indian culture ever behaves like this, romantically loving a girl after calling her his sister. I know now that the Internet is a dangerous place due to monsters like you who wear masks and deceive innocent girls and exploit them. The other girls who call you brother need to beware, because you can change your feelings and start lusting for them anytime.
Me – Just because I gave one person a special place in my heart, doesn’t mean I’ll do it for everybody else. Because I know I truly shared a special bond with her.
Sister – I don’t know what your bond was. But seeing the present situation and seeing how hurt she is, I know your so-called bond was worthless and weak. I don’t feel all relations are the same. I don’t think our own brother would ever think of changing relations with us like you did.
Me – I never tried to change relations. I kept my feelings quiet as possible as I knew she’ll be hurt. I can understand your indignation and feeling of betrayal…
Sister – This is not anger. This is just what we feel is right to do. We just don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore. You have so many girls willing to call you brother, so it won’t matter if one of them leaves you. Enjoy life with the rest, just don’t betray them the way you betrayed my sister. Goodbye, take care, stay blessed.
Me – Your heart knows what’s right and wrong to do. And you should know no relationship can replace another. I’ll love Jerry forever and nobody can take her place in my life. I wish we’re back together someday.

I guess nothing significant was said after this. After that Jerry messaged me a week or two later via her sister.

Jerry – Look Ravi bro, I know you’re older than me and I respect you. That’s why I thought of messaging you. I hope you realize what you’re doing is wrong and it’s of no use deleting your Facebook and Twitter accounts. We are both parts of our show’s fandom and that’s our common interest. I interacted with you as I consider you my brother. Please don’t go around telling people that I loved you romantically. Whatever little I shared with you, I did as a sister. There are plenty of things I didn’t share with you, and I know you didn’t share with me either. That’s all there ever was between us and I never said anything for you to wrongly feel that I love you romantically. I don’t want to hear about this anymore. If you want, you can message me on Facebook sometimes but not regarding this matter.
Me – I’m so happy to hear from you. I hope you know I deleted my accounts not out of attention seeking, but because all of that means nothing to me without you. I never told anyone that you loved me romantically and that seems to be a misunderstanding. I have reasons for loving you myself and I hope you know that sharing secrets isn’t the criteria for loving someone.
Jerry – I can’t stand this. I know certain behaviours of yours like after our phone call, you said you hope I feel comfortable with you… and thus I understood what was going on in your mind.
Me – That I am a lustful beast and a pervert, right? I’m sorry, sis. I cannot hope to make you understand anything unless you put aside your pre-conceived notions. Please don’t message me until you do that. I may have committed the “sin” of loving you more than a sister, but my heart knows I did not do it with any wrong intentions. I know I’ve done many bad things but loving you isn’t one of them. I love you always and I hope everything gets well someday.

She didn’t message me after this, didn’t respond to mine either when I messaged saying sorry if she felt bad.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by ravi_zimmerfan.

My updated message:
*****

I know you don’t want to talk to me and I know how fallen I am in the eyes of you and your sister now. You are sweet to deny it, Jerry, but you know it’s true and I understand why. I don’t know whether you’ll reply or read this message, or delete it after a glance. I’m messaging you because my exams are over at last, and this is something I have been wishing to say for long. I don’t feel repeating what we’ve said before is of any use. I accept that I am nobody to consider myself above social rules, and in that context I accept that I have done wrong. I know you don’t like these things and that’s why I tried to keep my feelings from you and confessed only to 2 mutual friends. If it still means I transformed from a humble and caring brother into a monster, then I accept that I am one. But God knows that if there’s anything I have never done, it is stopping caring for you, disrespecting you or thinking inappropriately of you. I admit I have lost my temper over petty issues, behaved badly with you, even stopped talking… but my temper has never ended with me not regretting it. I was so touched by your last message, “though he hurted me with the bad words he used, I’ll pray for him and always think good only for him”, I promised to change myself and I’ve made every effort to stop using bad language and losing temper. Because I genuinely respect and care for you, always.

The above issue aside, I can only hope you understand that I never lusted for you or thought inappropriately of you, Jerry. My love was always based on respect for you as a person and your virtues which make you who you are. I accept that you loved me as a brother only and never expected this from me, and felt so betrayed. I’m sorry for everything you had to go through because of me. But if someone is doing their best to make up to you after five months, I wish you could see that their underlying motivation is sincere, and not lust or bad intentions. I don’t know about anything else, but I miss you. I miss you and our bond every day and every moment. There has not been a single day from 7th March when I’ve had a single moment of peace. I have been told to remain happy with all the others who call me brother. But you know better than me that no relation can ever take the place of another. And nobody can ever take your place in my life either, Jerry. That’s how it has been and how it always will be. I’m not asking for any special place in your life, and I have no right to request anything from you. I wanted to acknowledge and accept my faults which I’ve thought about in these months, and which I accept that you were right about and I am wrong. I don’t know what difference my regret can make, but it’s the least I can do and I wish to do so.

You are very right regarding that, Anita. I’ve always accepted and confessed that she was extremely soft, gentle and forgiving. Nobody else would’ve put up with so much atrocity from me… not even my own family. Nobody but me is responsible on that front. I tried my best to make up to her and make her happy after the initial incidents last year. But this possessiveness issue totally ruined everything. I don’t know if I can ever fully make up to her for that. I just hope the pain I myself have been suffering from almost 5 months can serve as some humble penace.

I don’t deny that there are enormous social/familial expectations for Jerry (or probably any girl) in the Indian society. When she was too frightened to accept even a physical gift from me or the possibility of meeting me someday, that becomes more important. I’ve always had a feeling that under her exterior anger, she’s actually afraid. Afraid of what exactly, I’ve not been able to put my finger on. You voiced my suspicions. That said I still am hurt by her sister’s words because I never meant ill for Jerry in that manner, not that I have any right to defend myself when I know how much wrong I myself have done. I felt she’s going happily about her life because I saw her running our Facebook page, posting on our forum and other things we once used to do together. I could be wrong of course.

My question is how to proceed from here. I have promised her that I’ll never let my feelings come between us and keep our bond platonic only… but she doesn’t believe me (for good reason). What can I do, honestly? Put my promise down in writing and sign it in blood? Carve it with a knife on my arm? Honestly, I am willing to do anything just to have her back.. to make up for everything I did. No matter how wild or unimaginable, I’ll do it for her.

Reading this, my belief that I no longer am a good person (or ever was) is more confirmed. In my histrionics, selfishness and goodness knows what more, I did more damage than anybody else. I know it. She never was like this before and for her becoming like this, I know nobody but me is responsible. I don’t know how I can be considered a good or loving person after seeing how much damage I did to her.

Answering your questions, thinking from her point of view… Jerry always prized her relation with me. To the extent that she was willing to put up with so much just to maintain the bond. She told my friends that she loves me and never wants to lose me. She asked me to promise to be with her always. She felt she could count on me to be a humble and loving brother to her, always. When she found out about my feelings… she felt most shocked and betrayed, for reasons we’ve discussed. And afraid… because she knew that if her family ever found out, it would be disaster beyond imagination. She discussed with her sister and decided that my feelings are not something that can be eradicated so easily… and therefore she now has no choice but to choose between me and her family. And her sister hated me for my actions and let me have it, without showing any of Jerry’s restraint or mercy. I hope I’ve been able to analyze correctly somewhat.

I love Jerry and I want to…
1) Comfort her and make up for all the pain I caused her. Show that I understand what she has undergone, genuinely regret it and I have been doing my best to change myself for her
2) Help her understand that I never stopped loving and caring for her
3) Assure her that I would never do anything that puts her or her reputation at risk. That I would get rid of my feelings if only to be with her, even in an inferior relation, because nothing is more important to me.
4) Let her know that I am always there for her, as she asked of me. And I always will be.

I hope it doesn’t sound selfish. I tried my best to look at it from her POV firstly.

I don’t know what to say if it’s clear that I don’t love her… that I want her selfishly for myself and as an object and tool of pleasure. Maybe its best that I leave her then so that people who deserve to be with her can do so. I’m nothing but a selfish, conniving thug after all… to the extent of lusting for her and treating her as a tool of pleasure too, and lying about it here. Her sister is right after all. Sorry for all the trouble I caused and thanks for all the help.