Me too. 🙂 First thing I thought of after the exam was to post to you here.

It’s not that hot now, actually. Been raining quite heavily since a few weeks. Dad indeed advised me to join the gym, learn driving and cooking and all this month. I’m also working on writing and music. Hopefully will be able to do something productive until the exam results come out.

I wasn’t actually requesting readers to reply as such but just hope well for my mission in their hearts. The kind of thing I believe in. 🙂 Earlier this month I made up with my other friend who had sent our chat log to Jerry. The misunderstanding is cleared up and I felt a weight lift off my heart. I just hope to do everything good on my part.

Thanks Anita. I’m not optimistic, rather I’m scared and unsure. But I’m not one who gives up on what my heart genuinely believes in. I know I’ll persevere and succeed or die trying… no matter how long it takes. I need guidance on how to make her see through her delusional views which have blinded her.

Will do those, yeah. But truthfully speaking I’m feeling no happiness or enthusiasm within.

I feel I can handle the jealousy. The anger, I pray I can. Though I’ve had a couple of temper incidents in the past month but it’s significantly lesser than before. I don’t know if what was can even be back now. The March incident is a point of no return. I just wish she understands that her present views about me are wrong, and so is her decision to sever ties. I wish we’re back on talking terms at least, however feeble. The rest we can deal with as things proceed.

Regarding her sister, the question isn’t how I will deal with her words… the question is how Jerry will. I imagine the moment she sees my message, she goes and shows it to her sister and the two of them do a deep analysis of it, making out evil meanings that were never there, and then either decide not to reply or send something cold and hostile. I don’t know how to make her understand that she’s fooling only herself by confirming her views with a young child.

I had drafted an overlong message addressing her sometime back, more to vent out my pain than anything else. I don’t know if she’ll even read it or delete it without reading, if I send it to her. Another possibility is sending a “if I ever meant anything at all to you, then reply and try to understand what I’m saying” message. If she does reply, which itself would be a miracle, I don’t feel it’ll be anything friendly or understanding. This is all making me feel unsure and hesitant.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by ravi_zimmerfan.

That’s right. And truthfully speaking, I have a feeling that her sister’s counseling (for lack of a better word) has turned her against me even more. Not that the latter is malicious, but both of them share this delusion that the Indian culture’s dogmas are the ultimate truth, a boy no longer has the right to even quietly develop feelings for a girl once they call each other brother and sister, etc. I’m not saying that developing the aforementioned feelings is fully right, but breaking relations and treating me like a pervert and traitor is just extreme. I know that she’s being cold even towards a couple of mutual friends who had given her messages from me (neutrally, in one case). She and her sister totally believe that whatever they do/think is The Right Thing ™ and everybody else is wrong. I don’t know how to make her see sense.

I agree with your views regarding what would be right to send her. But some points really need to be considered in this regard before sending her anything.

1) She presently thinks the absolute worst of me. No matter how much she says “I have no anger towards you”, she’s fooling only herself. 90% chance is, she will delete my message without reading, and in the remaining 10%, she’ll read the first couple of lines at most and then ditch it. The opening lines have to be such that hold her attention somehow, long enough to persuade her to read on.

2) She has a tendency to take wrongly everything I say, look for hidden bad meanings in there, twist them to fit as a target for her beliefs. Even if she doesn’t, her sister is omnipresent to do the honours for her. The message needs to be clear-cut so they cannot easily make straw man arguments out of it. At the same time, I wish she somehow realizes that she must use her own mind and not let her sister keep influencing her.

3) She is extremely stubborn (now), refuses to consider any views contradicting hers and believes firmly that any relationship between a boy and girl other than brother/sister is unholy/filthy/sinful/whatever. Yep, even simple friendship. It’s bro-sis or nothing. Now that it doesn’t seem to be an option anymore (me calling her sis no longer seems to have any effect), I don’t understand what to say to her.

I was waiting for another friend to come up so she can advise me regarding this too… maybe then I’ll try to draft a message. Thank you so much, Anita. Truly.

That indeed is the biggest problem. In fact if it hadn’t been for that, we possibly might have been reconciled by now. She had called me “Ravi bro” back in April and I had taken the point to call her sister, but it doesn’t seem to have any effect on her. It’s such a paradoxical/catch-22 situation that I’ve grown bitter and resentful of this whole brother-sister concept. Maybe her stance on this issue can be softened a bit somehow to realize that not every loving inter-gender relation is brotherly… that I genuinely love her and care for her, never intended anything bad for her and our bond was true, no matter what her sister says. That a true bond transcends labeling and it’s not right to break relations like this. I wish she realized even a fraction of it somehow.

Not sure what else would she consider as “pure” as a bro-sis relationship. I had suggested to her that we can be just normal friends and clearly even that is unacceptable to her. Need to think this one over, what to say to her and how to put it in words.

I won’t refer to her sister, but some things I do feel like asking her. Like she says me developing feelings for her after 2 years shows her that I understood neither her nor her nature. So, did she and her sister succeed in understanding me? After those same two years, they call me a traitor and pervert… is that all they understood about me? Of course I don’t want to act in an aggressive manner, but being mostly meek and submissive from March doesn’t seem to affect her anymore. I probably need to be carefully assertive… somewhere between aggressive and submissive.

I meant like, when her sister was directing all those accusations at me I didn’t respond back strongly or anything. I tried to keep all my replies mild other than the one where I asked her not to message me until she put aside her notions… after that I still sent her an unconditional apology if she felt bad (and got no reply). I guess it wasn’t totally submissive but I did try my best not to lose my temper or say anything violent.

Softening her stance is the hardest thing imaginable to me. She was never like this before; I don’t understand how she’s become so heartless and stubborn all of a sudden. I admit I committed faults too but I’m doing my best to make up for them now, genuinely. Can she not give me just one more chance in that regard. 🙁 I wish she could understand that it’s not like I keep attempting to make up with everyone who leaves me… if it were anyone else in her place, I’d have backed away by now. There are thousands of girls out there in the world (in her sister’s own words – “you have so many girls calling you brother, so enjoy life with them and leave my sis alone, goodbye”), and if I am still not having anybody but her in that place in my heart, it is out of genuine love. Lust or obsession can never provide the motivation to keep up at what appears to be a losing battle. I wish she understood.