Depressed and Alone

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This topic has 15 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 3 months ago by Anonymous.

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July 9, 2017 at 9:03 am #157172

Anonymous
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I am 64 years old, divorced and full of sadness and anxiety. My children are grown up and do not live near me. Neither of them are dating and they are both in their 30’s. They are both successful, wonderful adults. I no longer have friends because I have had an anxiety attack and a crying bout in front of them. They never contact me anymore. (I guess they were never my friends after all!) That hurts. I think the reason that I am so sad is because my children have not found their soul mates yet and started families. My daughter is 36 and alone because all of her friends have husbands and children. I am sure that she would like to meet Mr. Right. She has had her heart broken twice. I am also dealing with 2 unkind people at work. I get so sad and upset if someone is mean to me. It’s all I think about. I am easy going and kind.

July 9, 2017 at 9:20 am #157198

Monk
Participant

I can imagine your sadness and worry for your children. All you want to see at this age is happy children and grandchildren. You can still be a family and have your kids come over and do stuff. Once a month, is not too much to ask – maybe they need that bonding time too, since they are alone. Find creative ideas to get together as a family and do some fun stuff, so it does not sound so melodramatic.

I am pretty sure that your kids will eventually find their soul mates and settle down.

July 9, 2017 at 10:31 am #157206

Eliana
Participant

Hi Sissy,

I am also very much alone. I am 55, have always been “the blacksheep” of my family due to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. So I’m my twenties, thirties and forties, my “family” what little I did have, really wanted nothing to do with me, through no fault of my own. I always felt out, like I was on the outside looking in at family renions. They were hostile to me, belittled me, finally, I just stopped going to family reunions, and the only “family” I had was my Father who passed in 2008.

II have no children, due to mental illness, have never been able to sustain a healthy long term relationship. I don’t have a boyfriend, have not been asked out on a date in what seems decades. I live in a small town, it’s mostly all married people. So, I feel very lonely alot and very much alone.

I then joined a social club called “Partners in Prime” for people 55 and over. I started to meet some nice people, but I am on disability, and have no transportation, so it was difficult to get there as often as I wanted, but it was a start. Unfortunately, the building they were in that I walked to, was bought out, and they moved to a retirement center 15 miles away. I was really sad and felt even more lonely.

Next week, I am going to go to an orientation to volunteer at an animal shelter as I love animals. Again, it’s about 6 miles away, but I will try to have faith, that I can find rescources for transportation to volunteer there. My only other company is a girl I see about 2 hours one week night to watch a movie with..so, yes, like you, I feel very much alone.

Is there any volunteer work you might like to do? Or a social club you can join? There is a hospital here in town, and they are always looking for volunteers to play games with patients who too, are very lonely, or someone to work at a gift shop.

July 9, 2017 at 11:18 am #157214

Anonymous
Inactive

Thanks so much.

July 9, 2017 at 11:20 am #157216

Anonymous
Inactive

I hope that everything works out well for you – thanks so much.

July 9, 2017 at 5:56 pm #157246

Mark
Participant

Hi Sissy,

Don’t worry about what other people say about you if you don’t love them. Focus on the people who are most important to you and try to avoid people who make you feel bad. If people say something bad about you at work, don’t take it personal. Be professional, incorporate any feedback that you think may help you improve into the person you want to become, and then try to ignore the rest. Thinking about what other people say about you isn’t as good use of your time as, say, watching a new movie you wanted to watch, or thinking of something nice you can do for your daughter. Focus on the good you have in your life, and the good you can create for those who you love. Try to become a person who loves to be alone with yourself. You still likely have a lot of time left. What do you want to do with the years you have left? What type of person do you want to become? Try to move toward that person each day. Focus on the progress and possibilities, instead of what is missing.

July 16, 2017 at 6:23 am #158324

Anonymous
Inactive

Thank you!

July 16, 2017 at 6:36 am #158330

Anonymous
Guest

Dear sissy:

Would you like to share about your relationship with your daughter?

And if you would like, can you elaborate on that anxiety attack you had in front of your friends (“I have had an anxiety attack and a crying bout in front of them”)- what did that attack look like/ sound like, what was it about?

anita

July 30, 2017 at 10:55 am #161104

Anonymous
Inactive

My relationship with both of my children is wonderful. However, being that they do not live near me, I don’t get to see them often. I had several anxiety attacks in the past 3 years. Each time it was with 1 of my friends separately. The worst one was because my brother was moving to Florida. He lived just a few blocks from me. That, combined with the fact that my daughter is single and alone and that there was a cruel person at work that I had to deal sent me into an anxiety attack. My friend of 50 years knew that I was upset because my brother was moving away, so she came over to visit. I was crying and crying and telling her all about how I feel so sad for my daughter (I know this sounds silly!) I was going on about that I think I was going to die and I even showed her where the hidden key is to my house. I am not at all suicidal nor have I ever been. Just so sad and alone. Well the friend who came over (who I have known from high school and who I got a job for her) has stopped calling me. She has a sister, a daughter and grandchildren. If my good friend was suffering from anxiety and depression and they had a breakdown in front of me I would be calling and visiting them and showing them how much I care. The other 2 anxiety attacks with a friend ended where neither of these women call me anymore. It’s very painful to think that you have these long time good friends and it turns out that when you need a shoulder to cry on they are not good friends after all. This is just one more thing that is making me so sad. The good things in my life besides my children, are that I own an adorable little cottage and I like working. I work 1 full time job and 2 part time jobs. I know it sounds like a lot, but I enjoy them and I like to stay busy. I am in good health and everybody says that I look much younger than my age. Thanks for listening.

July 30, 2017 at 11:08 am #161116

Anonymous
Inactive

Just need to add a little more! I was brutally bullied by the kids in my neighborhood from the time I was about 6 and all the way into high school. I was very thin and tiny. To this day, it still bothers me and I even have dreams about it.

July 31, 2017 at 8:06 am #161258

Anonymous
Guest

Dear sissy:

The brutal bullying you suffered from the age of 6 till high school, over ten years, that is a long time. And the memories of it, emotional memory is still activated in your dreams and when awake. That is too bad. What did the bullying consist of? Did any adult notice and tried to help you?

Regarding your anxiety attack in front of the friend from high school, you wrote: “I was crying and crying and telling her all about how I feel so sad… I was going on about that I think I was going to die and I even showed her where the hidden key is to my house”- when we express distress to another (other than a professional in a professional setting, like a psychotherapist during a session), we should do it responsibly. It is possible to express our distress in a way that is sincere, authentic and yet not overwhelming to the person witnessing it.

You wrote: “when you need a shoulder to cry on they are not good friends after all”- we should expect only a shoulder to cry on, not both shoulders- that is too overwhelming for the person witnessing our pain.

I hope you post again with your thoughts and feelings.

anita

July 31, 2017 at 8:07 am #161260

Anonymous
Guest

* did not submit correctly…

August 6, 2017 at 12:11 pm #162544

Anonymous
Inactive

I feel a bit worse now. When I had my anxiety attack I was just completely opening up to a good friend. I had no intentions of overwhelming her and after I was through with my crying I was able to pull myself together and start talking about other things and actually having a few laughs. My friend just texted me the other day and we are going out to dinner next week.

August 7, 2017 at 4:15 am #162624

Anonymous
Guest

Dear sissy:

You must feel good about going out to dinner with your friend, about still having her as a friend.

You wrote above that you “had no intentions of overwhelming her”, with your crying and suggesting to her that you may commit suicide (“I even showed her where the hidden key is to my house”)-

but such behavior is overwhelming regardless of the intent. For the purpose of you having healthy friendships and relationships, I still suggest, as before, to express your distress to others in ways that are sincere, authentic and yet not overwhelming to the person witnessing it.

anita

August 7, 2017 at 2:44 pm #162744
Anonymous
Inactive
- Hi Anita and thanks for your input. I never implied to my friend – and she understood- that I would ever kill myself nor would such a terrible thought ever cross my mind. I told her that it feels that my heart feel that it may just stop because I was just so sad at the time. I wanted her to know where the key was to my house for emergency reasons. I know where the keys are to some of my neighbors houses and also friends houses. For emergencies also.
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