Hello Sparkie

You have been through very hurtfull situations and it seems to me you are carrying the pain with you, alone, for a very long time. Since this is the first time you are sharing your memories i want to tell you that the pain can stop and you can move on and be happy.

I was adamant for years that I was adopted. With a bee in my bonnet the questions swirled around my head for years
Aged 11 I sneaked into my parents room and read my mums diary (terrible I know, but I was 11!)
It seems to me after all that what you did was not so terrible. You had a question and you were looking for answers. Is it terrible for an archaelogist to search for clues of his/her hypothesis in “secret” tombs or for the historian in lost documents? Of course not. In the same spirit, you as a child, was interested in a question deeply personal. It was the natural thing to do. Maybe the guilt you are feeling has something to do with the reaction from your parents? Or from their prohibitions(and don’t we all know, parents can be a bit too strict)?

Aside from all of this, aged around 4 my uncle (mothers brother), made me touch him in a sexual way. I’ve NEVER breathed a word of this to anyone, your guys are the first. I’ve not even told my husband! This sounds terrible and painfull to bear. I have similar experiences as a child, of sexual nature, that i still try to resolve through psychoanalysis. I sympathise with your pain and i can only tell you this:
Honestly, i believe a therapeutical relationship with another person will heal your wounds so you can free your self from torment. It does not matter so much the nature of the therapeutical relationship. I chose psychoanalysis for example because my pain was of past traumatic events and psychoanalysis was said that it could cure them. What matters is your resurfaced will to share your experiences and the fact that people are willing to help you be relieved of your burden. Human contact, in other words, is what important.

If you have financial difficulties please try to find an economical way through healthcare or an mutual agreement with a therapist to begin the path of self-recovery. Also, please share any more information you want through this post. I will try to answer and give information or advice to anything you want, as well as, other tinybuddits.

Take care Sparkie
George

I think you need to discuss the inappropriate touching with someone you can trust. Even if that means a therapist as it is obviously still affecting you greatly. There needs to be healthy coping put into place to deal with this in order to start getting anything else sorted.

As far as your father, I understand the desire to know who your biological father may be. However, please realize that you have a man that was willing to step in and claim you as his own for all those years. He was trying to do a good thing and is understandably upset that you’re now calling him “not your father”. There are many children out there raised by non biological parents.

The issues from after you got pregnant are something else that a good counselor or therapist could help you deal with. I think you’d benefit greatly and be much happier in general if you’d deal with these past issues head on in a healthy setting.

Sparkie,

Thank you for sharing your personal story with us on here. My heart goes out to you.

You being violated as a child is something you should discuss with someone you feel comfortable with. Do whatever you feel is right for you to heal from that. Whether it’s seeking a counselor who specializes with things like that, a family member, a friend, someone you love or all of the above. You are not alone in this, as many women have been victims of molestation when they were a child/teen. You are supported in this and not alone.

It is probably best that you continue to stay away from your uncle and cut him out of your life for good. As what he did was criminal and you don’t need to be reminded of that, so I would act like he’s deceased so that you’re not reminded of the heinous act he committed towards you.

You have the right to ask questions about you biological father all you want. As those types of questions should be respected by the person who needs to give you those answers. Both Mom and step-dad are old and grown enough to be able to answer you honestly without hesitation. There’s nothing you need to fear for wanting to know the facts about your biological identity. There’s nothing abnormal about it at all actually. You’re grown and deserve answers when it comes to your biological identity, always.

Sending you lots of love, positivity and light you way. 🙂

M