I live an inauthentic life because the consequences of living an authentic life will always shadow the promises of living so. Living an authentic life has always been one of my greatest struggles, and the decision to live inauthentically will always be driven by my cowardice to stay true to myself.

All my decisions have always taken into account the beliefs and thoughts of others. Going through years of doing things that I knew was not authentically ‘me’ has made my existence a waste. I have always been hounded by the pressures of societal expectations.

Living a closeted life is inevitable when in my situation – considering gay culture, parental and familial pressures, and the “too-late” mentality.

My parents and my family are either devout Catholics or just plain homophobic. To reveal my true self to them will be going against their personal beliefs. Sadly, I myself am the personification of their own fears.

Highly effeminate people are the very essence of gay culture in my country. To be masculine is to be straight, and to be effeminate is to be a homosexual. That misguided belief has led me to stay in the closet. Coming out would demand too many explanations and would put me in a much tougher situation.

As I am not effeminate, I am seen as a heterosexual by the majority of the people I meet. Because of my failure to present myself authentically, I am continually pressured by my own peers.

The decision to stay in the closet is a decision that will last my whole lifetime. It is, however, a truth I have to live with personally.

This is yet another decision truly driven by society’s norms.