Dear N:

If a friend is available to you only when single, only in between romantic type relationships, on a regular basis (that is beyond a particularly trying time in a particular relationship), them maybe that person does not qualify for the term Friend. People define friends differently. For some it is the same as friendly acquaintances. For others, a friend means something closer, more committed, more reliable than a friendly acquaintance. You decide on your definition.

And by the way, I don’t think you are overreacting. Your feelings are valid, they do matter and need to be taken seriously.

anita

Dear N:

I understand. And I heard about this problem decades ago, friends of single boys/ men and friends of single girls/women losing their friends to the girlfriends/ boyfriends. It is very common. As a matter of fact, daughters lose their remarried fathers to the new wives, that is also common. I think that the reason for this is that the emotional attachment people form to their intimate-others is second in strength only to the attachment of a child to the parent. Often it feels as strong.

On the other hand, the attachment to friends is of lesser strength, in many or most cases.

anita