Hi all. I am having a hard time living. I had a really bad childhood. I stayed away from father, and I spent my childhood with uncle, who made me feel inadequate, and outcast. I was always made fun of by relatives, and was ignored because my family was not with me, and I had no social power. Through school, all I did was study and work, and did not have opportunity to enjoy life or make meaningful friendships. I literally have no interests at the moment. I feel like I am boring person, although I know that I have gained a new perspective of life by going through my childhood. I have been feeling like something is missing, and I can’t seem to shake that feeling. Usually, within a day, I shake it off, and wait for it to come. Now, its very prevalent. Deep analysis showed me that these feelings are manifestations of my rough childhood. I had forgotten about the past after moving to NY, but these feelings make me go into my past and remind me of what I faced. That missing thing inside of me is killing me because I am losing interest in everything, from talking to people, to enjoying things. I know that I have to build my life myself and work hard to get into a good career. But this feeling inside of me is taking my time and wasting my energy to work on career because I think, why do anything. This makes me wonder, what drives people or how do they keep themselves on path that they think is their passion. I need some tips to heal from this, I hate this feeling. I know I should be partying and enjoying life, since its my early 20’s but these weird feelings make me isolated. After moving to NY, I have not been able to make any friends, with who I can share my dark self.
Thank you for your time