Hey, I have been living with my parents and I am 24 and a guy.

My parents used to be a strong support for me, but after age 18 I started dealing with panic attacks and uncontrollable anxiety about life changes (breakup moving losing friends and so forth). I went on all sorts of drugs and things that made things way worse and therapists were expensive and didn’t really help. Now I feel like I am sort of brain damaged in a way (maybe it’s the anxiety)

So basically now whenever I come home from work/school I am not in the best mood. I work with lots of customers who treat me badly and I have to put on a happy face all day and memorize a ton of trivia facts for all of my classes. I feel lonely and like most of my relationships are surface level. Sometimes I feel like I have forgotten how to express my feelings at all.

So when I feel stress I try and do what everybody expects (be happy not care) until I have moments where I burst. I get upset at my parents because they think and expect me to just hold it all together like this and be happy where I am and when I try for too long I reach an intolerable level.

They ask or get annoyed at why I am not beaming or happy when I come home.

So now I hear comments from them like “well it is what it is” “stop dwelling on it” “it’s okay to be alone enjoy it” “stop attacking me (when I try to explain why it’s difficult and refute what they are saying)” “you haven’t seen anything yet” “you can’t run away from life” “everybody has problems.” Life seemed so much more easy when I had a strong support network of people who understood and cared about me and I could talk intimately with about feelings – before it was like if I had a bad day they understood and it was a very comforting experience and I could talk to my parents about it, now it’s just “you’re a man you are 24” so I should be able to just do it – just deal with it – in a sort of dismissive way.

And when I try to get to know or understand or love other people, they don’t want it.

Sometimes balancing 2 jobs and 2 schools on top of feeling lonely and looking for some close relationships with people who don’t seem to be able to make the time is hard. I used to try to talk to God but he feels distant and it’s hard to believe in him anymore when I’m bombarded with all these messages that he doesn’t exist (evolution, science, too many different belief systems to count or understand or choose). What am I doing it all for? Everybody seems independent and like I am the one who is needy.

I feel selfish and unwanted, which is complicated by the fact that I was raised with traditional gender roles, so part of my sexuality is tied to being a provider/protector.

I know I should be okay being alone without any intimate relationships and should just be able to be fine but it just doesn’t feel good. I am trying to move out and that will solve the parents issue but am I just running away? How do I deal with my parents without being fake? They seem to say they just want to see me happy and I try to tell them when I am close or intimate with someone and not so stressed I am happy and then they get upset and tell me I should just be happy being where I am. When I am feeling down they get annoyed and almost angry.

All these feelings are so confusing and with nobody to work them out with they just become overwhelmingly so.

How can I be happy where I am? Do adults stop having their happiness tied to their relationships to others at some point? It would seem that my parents are self-refuting because they are saying their happiness is tied to my happiness so by saying my happiness shouldn’t be tied to anyone else’s happiness they are sort of being hypocrites.

I was looking for a girlfriend but I keep hearing that you can’t look for it it just finds you and that I shouldn’t need a girlfriend. I should be happy on my own first. But I don’t like being selfish and living just for myself – but with nobody wanting my love then where do I go? And how do I love people without just doing it for myself?

• This topic was modified 8 years, 8 months ago by Trevor.