Dear Ina:

I will aim at a “compassionate yet assertive, perspective” response to your thread: when your boyfriend is distressed, better perhaps that he withdraws, that  is, take time out, be alone. It is not a good time to communicate as such leads to arguments. If “cold like an ice  block” means that  he withdraws angrily, that  is he  gives you the look that says: I am angry at you!- that is not the withdrawal I  am suggesting. The withdrawal  I am suggesting is that he takes responsibility for his distress and takes  his alone time, not turning  aggressively against  you, passive-aggressively or aggressively.

When  he is no  longer distressed, that is time  to communicate and spend together time. Even if such time is only twenty minutes per evening, let it  be. Aim at quality, that is, safe, calm interactions and  not at quantity, that  is spending as much time interacting as  possible.

anita