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Dealing With A Toxic Person Who Wants You To Fail & How To Be Strong

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • September 17, 2014 at 7:52 pm #65108
    Matt
    Participant

    Lost,

    Perhaps the force field you’re looking for is a popcorn bucket. You have a front row seat to quite a show! Don’t let her scrambling and scratching become personal, define you… she’s far to absorbed in her own mess to see you at all. So, obviously her judgment will be wildly inaccurate. Let it slide on by, enjoy the show, munch some popcorn. What narcissistic personality trait will reveal itself next? I’m on the edge of my seat!

    Or, perhaps bail. Don’t let the allure of “security” undermine the happiness of your life. You could find a different job, different career, even, if it meant you don’t have to be sprayed with toxin every day. Life doesn’t need to be an endurance trial, and if you’re miserable a lot, you’re doing it wrong. 🙂

    With warmth,
    Matt

    September 17, 2014 at 10:42 pm #65113
    reginette
    Participant

    Hi lostandlovinit,

    Wondering if this person is exhausting because you keep trying to please her or change in some way so that she or her attitude changes? It must be a really difficult situation. Draining. For your sake, what might you need to change so that you aren’t so tired & feeling hate in her presence?

    For yourself – maybe try taking her her words, appearance, work style, as a fact i.e. try not to judge – they just “are”. Practice on less emotive items first like watching tv, reading emails, talking in benign situations: without reacting just register the words & events (as facts, if you like but without judgement or emotion) then move mindfully to the next moment. Be a detached observer when you can. It can be very calming when you don’t ‘buy in’. You may be able to step back & see her behaviour towards you for what it is, see your choices more clearly & make decisions about your life from there. Trying to change another person is almost guaranteed to ‘end in tears’ – yours most likely.

    Without strong emotion you may be able to make the best decision about what is right for you rather than reacting to what is ‘wrong’ about your supervisor (& possible themes of you feeling perhaps lesser or unworthy, incapable etc). Being an observer can often change dynamics & you sound very strong from the above & would most likely be easily able to make the transition to watching rather than engaging or judging.

    If we choose we can change anything about ourselves but we can change nothing about others – influence is a far more powerful tool but that’s another story 🙂

    Good luck with your chosen path & be Buddha brave. Let us know how you go if you wish.

    Reginette

    September 18, 2014 at 12:50 am #65122
    antoineete
    Participant

    I feel your emotional pain my dear friend. I am very good at my job and considered very beautiful by many people. Not a good combination to accept for some small souls like your supervisor and mine.
    I learned so will you! DO NOT let that b…. take over your life. You are both working there, if she was so reach and wonderful why is she working for someone else and not even for such a hefty pay cheque! She is not any better than any other employee in your company, she is just stupid small soul.
    How much of your time you actually have to spend directly with her? NOT MUCH I bet. And she also has a supervisor. You don’t know what insecurities and fears she might be facing.
    DO NOT let her take a second of your personal time. Be polite and professional in your work place. Do your job, no matter what she took away. As long as your pay didn’t change it doesn’t matter what or how much you do in given circumstances. And things change, she may leave the company, she may be fired, one never knows.
    Build strong relationship with your family and your friends. Vent. Make fun of her, say whatever makes you happy but vent only for a few minutes and let it go. Enjoy the rest of your day, enjoy your weekend, enjoy your life. Don’t give her control, ignore her.

    September 21, 2014 at 2:09 pm #65322
    Marie
    Participant

    Thank you all for your feedback. I’ve tried all of the above and it’s definitely helped with trying to keep my feelings in check when around such an emotionally draining person.

    Also, focusing on the good. Not letting her occupy my thoughts or cause me anxiety/stress outside work. Sometimes I forget, but it really does make a difference – being grateful for what is positive in my life and not obsessing over people that make no sense to me or people who I feel have treated others wrongly, for whatever weird reason!

    Recently it has come to light that I am not the only one who feels this way and my coworkers have commiserated with me about having to walk on eggshells around this supervisor. We recently all discussed her constant mood swings, accusatory delusional behavior and general insecurity and lack of managerial skills.

    I know it’s awful to admit, but it made me feel somewhat better knowing I was not the only extreme target of this woman’s delusional, explosive way of thinking. Not sure if that’s borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder or just family patterns on how she was raised shining through. Does it have to be diagnosed? Does it matter?

    Either way your thoughts have been helpful in dealing with such an unstable person on a regular basis, and I thank you for that.

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