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Dating with anxiety is complicated…Need advice!

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  • #72889
    Aquamarina
    Participant

    Hi there day dreamer,

    Your situation sounds so much like that of my own 3 years ago. Terrified of the possibility of pain, yet oh so out of touch with the idea of intimiacy outside the sexual act itself. I had the same issue with the man that is now my boyfriend, I too slept with him and felt a connection through sex, i too wanted to know of his intentions away from the bedroom, I too was afraid of how to get answers regarding his true intentions with me. I ended up just being straight up with him by just telling him that i wanted more than just meeting up for sex…it worked for me as a few days later we agreed to offically date. I know that such a direct approach would not necessarily be an option for you at this point, so why not take the initiative and ask him out say for instance to a movie? Movies are perfect because you can ease yourself into displaying affection especially since you are having difficulty with closeness and intimacy, you can hold his hand while you’re watching the film, you’re still being affectionate but perhaps it wont feel as overwhelming for you. As an added bonus it will give you the opportunity to be somewhere outside your place, away from the bedroom, where you can learn more about how you interact with one another. We as women often feel that we cannot take the initiative, give it a try.

    #72909
    Yue
    Participant

    Hi Daydreamwr,

    I agree with Maria. If you are the anxious type, it might be best to organise something active like a walk in the park, bike riding, bowling or something similar. This will help you get outside of your head (which is where most anxieties comes from) and just be in the moment.

    If you are not sure about how you feel about this guy or what you want out of this, it may be best to avoid drinking around him the next time you meet. The reason is that alcohol and sex have a way of creating a false sense of intimacy and cloud your judgement about the person you are with. Having done that a few times myself, it’s got a way of putting me in relationships that I should never have agreed to in the first place.

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