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Dating and recovering from divorce trauma

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  • September 7, 2017 at 2:38 pm #167758
    Craig
    Participant

    Yes, Andy, I’ve been there, many times! I finally got a handle on it when I did a lot of personal work learning about what triggers fears of abandonment in me, and why.  Then I did some  relational work, i.e., learned about my behaviors that contributed to the dynamic of run-chase, etc. I recommend you read about clinger-avoider on Al Turtle’s web site. I believe you can turn this around, as I have, but at least for me, it took some time and commitment to working on myself.

    Craig

    September 9, 2017 at 10:37 am #168040
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Andy:

    There are emotional memories, like the pain that returned to you in the context of current dating, and there are rational memories, such as remembering the dry facts of the divorce. When I am hit with a painful emotional memory, that is, when an emotional memory is activated in the present, I try to turn toward it (when in the past I resisted it, trying to keep it out). I try to let it be. This is the only way to weaken such memories, to weaken the painful emotion.

    When you relax into a painful experience, it is less painful than when you resist, definitely so in the long run.

    anita

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