Anita,

“I am thinking students are not likely to talk about their stress, they are just doing their best to ignore it and keep their focus on the studying, knowing they have no option but to keep going, study and study. Just like you feel there is no option, no way out.”

This is 100 percent correct.

Everybody is having a hard time here, trying to be #1 but at the end of the day all we can do is try our best and just study.

“At this very point I have better understanding of why your ex boyfriend broke up the relationship, the pressure to succeed academically is just too intense to allow a love relationship. No, he didn’t reject you. He ejected you from his overwhelming life.”

So happy to read this from you, Anita.

You can now imagine how his parents felt when he came to them and told them that he wanted to change university?

Gyunnie is having a very hard time as well, he threw away our college to go to another college (another SKY university, if you wonder which university that he is moving into) but at this point, everything seems unclear and there is NO guarantee that things will get better for him once he is a new student there.

I expressed this to him, and he understand this concern as well but he promised that he will try to do harder than he did in our university – and he will definitely not join any kind of student council. He will only focus on his social and study life.

But, Anita, I do not understand – why can’t Gyunnie try harder HERE in our university?

I have a lot of thoughts regarding that.

And yes, you can refer him to Gyunnie as well.

It is actually a nickname that I use but talking to you about him for 3 months here … I feel like you also know my Gyunnie.

You deserve to call him that as well. Because the Gyunnie that you know is the Gyunnie that was described by someone who loved him very much.

You saw him through my eyes and perspectives.

You understand him.

and I know exactly what he will say to you knowing how supporting you have been on his reason and struggles :

he is saying thank you.

—

I am sorry for sounding kind of emotional … I just miss him.

-Mina

[Sept 27, 2017]

Hi Gyunnie,

I cant talk for a long time with you today.

I have a morning class tomorrow and my schedule is very much packed. I probably need to rest.

Life has never been easy these days for me. I hope that you are doing well.

I remember when you told how you have no idea what are you doing in your life right now,

I am feeling the same thing right now.

3 more years and I will be done, Gyunnie. Do you think that I will make it and will still be alive by then?

I hope so .. I really do hope so. I want to see the end of this.

The real end of my life, not the end that I created by myself.

I have never realise how much you loved and treasured me until we broke up. I felt so sorry and so sad for not realising it sooner.

You always understand and supported me. Even when I was being such an annoying girlfriend, you always treat me so well.

I remember our first date while writing this.. maybe it was meant to be after all.

How did we managed to talk about 6 hours that day? On our first date?

I am surprised. I am scared. I feel like I was very blessed.

What did the great student council president saw in me?

You’re smart, you’re nice and you always try your best to be friends with everyone.

I am socially awkward, does not even like drinking, and the only thing that probably saved me is my face.

How come that out of thousands of girls here – you choosed me?

What did you see in me that was that good?

Because I am not seeing anything good inside.

Gyunnie, I miss you very much today – I wish that you are here by my side telling me that everythings gonna be ok again.

But you are … not.

I am so sorry, that I was not someone that you can lean on during the hardest time in your life.

It will remain as one of my biggest life regrets.

“I close my eyes but I see you again
I walk on the streets but I can only think of you again

Again today, if I take you out of my day
Nothing remains, there’s nothing left

Why didn’t I know that you were getting tired?
Why didn’t I know back then?

I love you so much
I only love you
I thought when this all passed
I would be okay

Why didn’t I know
That you were my everything?”

My song for you today x

-Mina

• This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by Mina.

Anita,

To be fair –  a lot of my friends are dating, it is a bit hard but at least if we are in the same campus, it is easier to eat lunch or dinner together considering our inhumane schedules so there is an advantage of that.

I think if you want to date, you have to be able to be stronger than the stress and pressure of studying. One of my guy senior, he is number 1 in his major (like the smartest person in his year and major) and he still have a long term girlfriend as well. It depends on your attitude and your willingness to sacrifice your time and focus.

Gyunnie was not willing to do that. Which is understandable, as he is a perfectionist and was overwhelmed by his own decisions and situation.

Please do not consider my attitude or my thinking as every students perspective. There are a lot of students here that are happy and is getting a good grade easily by studying like how they usually do since high school. At least 30/40 percent are quite happy with their college life in SKY. As getting accepted is already a dream came true for them.

But for me, there are a lot of severe problems due to my own personality and depression. That is why I think not only my university but Korea as a country is a prison camp for me. My favourite place for me to visit here : the airport.

I am very much looking forward to my UK trip in 88 days.

88 more days and I am out of Korea. I am counting each days. 🙂

“Maybe it will resume one day, it is possible.”

I know. Gyunnie also knows this as well.

But for me, I do not think it will be possible. I do not have any plan to stay in Korea (I have mentioned this before) – I will be working in Singapore.

Gyunnie is probably going to stay here permanently (possibly) – he mentioned a few times that he has interest to live overseas but the future is too far ahead of us to predict and I would like to get married as early as possible so waiting for him seems like something that I am very unlikely to do.

Different country, different view of marriage (regarding the age), also differences in life sequences. I will be graduating in 3 years while he will still be in his 2nd year by then because of military service that made him hold his study. I will prepare myself for marriage after I graduated while he is still stuck in college, thinking about his future blah blah. Even if we are together, I will have to wait until he graduated and get a job.

He isnt the type to get married early, and is very career oriented … so he will get married only after he is successful with a very well paid job. I can predict that one.

I have think about it very thoroughly – but maybe there isnt a future for us.

-Mina

[Sept 28, 2017]

Hello Gyunnie,

Are you doing well these days? Are you eating and sleeping well?

I hope that you are.

I am doing quite ok these days. I am trying to be happy again.

Even though you’re not with me, I still talk you, as if you’re here by my side and doing all the things that you want me to do.

Do you remember my favourite actress Suzy? She got a new show, and I am so excited to watch it these days.

It became the highlight of my depressing days! I know that you’re not a big fan of her but her new show is really good.

The weather is cold right now – I am getting ready to change my wardrobe. I want to buy a knee high boots seriously been wanting to buy it since summer hahaha

Summer is really gone, it is Fall right now.

My heart feels bitter sweet because Fall is my favourite season but during Summer – we were still together … letting summer go in a way is like letting you go.

Gyunnie, do you think that I will be able to be happy again?

Will I be able to get out of this?

Anyways …

Nighty night sweetheart x

-Mina

Anita,

I know that this question might sounds stupid and you might have no answer either but,

do you think that he will be proud of me?

do you think that he will say that what I am currently doing is good and that I should keep going?

I somehow cannot this song out of my head, the one I posted about how he saw the best in me.

I feels somehow so overwhelmed by the love that he gave me that I cried.

Because it just surrounds me and I feel the love inside keeps growing and it just .. glows within.

From loving Gyunnie, I learnt what true love felt. How it felt to be truly loved and accepted.

and no one can replace or take that away from me.

It will remain within me.

I cannot see him, but I can always feel him with me.

I am sounding emotional, again. Sorry.

-Mina

• This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by Mina.

Anita,

I just cried reading your reply.

Thank you, I needed to hear that. That he will be proud of me.

Sometimes I tell myself that when I am having a rough day – that he is proud of me and he wants the best for me.

-Mina

[Sept 29, 2017]

Gyunnie,

I had a great day with Evelyn nuna today!

How was yours? Hope it went well.

I want to share my favourite poem with you today :

“Do not ever regret your decision.

Because in that one moment, that decision was your best option

and it was the best choice you could ever made.

You are definitely doing well right now. ”

(translated from Korean to English by me, taken from Ha Tae Wan`s book)

Those words, I very much sympathise with it.

I hate you a lot for making that decision to move college and go to the military earlier than what you had expected, I really do Gyunnie.

But at the same time, I admired you.

For admitting that you aren’t happy, for your bravery to let go of everything. Everything, including me.

I wish you all the best. I wish you happiness.

Truly I loved you, from the bottom of my heart and soul.

I love you very much that if letting you go is the best option, I will.

Maybe we aren’t meant to be in this lifetime, but the next one… I promise that we will be together.

A lifetime without different countries being involved, culture, language, military service, and life changing decision.

It will be just Mina and Gyunnie.

With our love always being the answer,

I hope that we can meet like that.

Love,

-Mina

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Mina.

[Sept 30, 2017]

What an eventful day for me.

I saw the Fireworks festival with Evelyn nuna today. It was so magical that I almost cried. I wish you were there with me.

Did you perhaps got to see the fireworks all the way from Daegu?

Probably not, right? Since Daegu is so far away from Seoul.

By the way, I saw the picture that you uploaded today.

I am well aware that you are concerned and stressed out about Korean Thanksgiving day next monday.

You will have to meet every single of your family members that will ask you stuff about college, when are you going to military, where is your girlfriend, annoying stuff that is none of their business.

You will have to meet your annoying aunt who is always giving you a hard time because she is jealous of you.

Jealous because her son is a loser while you are such a star at everything.

I have told you before and I will tell you once again : those people do not matter. they are just jealous. do not believe anything that they says about you.

You will always be Gyunnie, the most amazing and thoughtful guy I have ever known in my life.

Do not be too sad or stressed out, please.

Your life will get back on track next year once you start your new semester at your new university. Trust me.

It is killing me to see you being stressed out and having a very hard time. I wish that I can hug you for one minute and support you.

And give you tons of encouraging words.

This is off topic but today I heard in details about what happened to that girl that apparently jumped off from Liberal Arts building.

She did not die.

In fact, she was not even a student at our university. She was just some crazy girl that came from a rural area in China, making a fuss out of nothing because of a guy in our university.

She met him while the guy was doing volunteer work in China, out of 80 persons – she was one of his students.

She apparently liked the guy so much that she came Korea, and to our university looking for his information.

Of course, our university would never give out students personal information to anyone. Let alone a crazy girl like her that came from China.

She climbed up the top of the Arts building and threatened to jump if the guy does not come.

The poor guy ended up coming. They talked for 4 hours, but the girl jumped off anyways because the guy does not like her or even know her that well.

The girl survived because the police had a mattress set up already.

What a disgusting and selfish girl.

How dare she came into one of Korea`s prestige university and disturbed the students?

More than that, I am very mad. How can she did such awful things to a guy that she apparently loves?

HOW?

I was so mad and dumb founded that I had to take a walk for 40 minutes to calm myself down today.

She just embarrassed the person that she loves, and even gave him a huge personal mental scar to him for the rest of his life.

I feel so so sorry to him.

I wish that the girl had died now. She does not deserve to live for doing such things to the person that she loves.

It is the most cruel and selfish thing I have ever heard in my life that you can do to anyone.

Our university and the guy decided not to sue, If I were them – I would.

I would never be able to forgive such things.

Imagining Mina doing that to Gyunnie …. makes me shiver in fear.

I would rather hurt myself than hurting you. I would rather die and suffer alone than letting you see me dying in front of your eyes.

How can she that claim that she loves him after what she did?

It is not love to me. I think she has some serious mental issues.

Sorry for sounding really angry 🙁

Not really in the right mind due to that news.

Love always,

-Mina x

P.s : for everyone who is reading this and wondering what kind of picture that Gyunnie uploaded, he uploaded a picture basically saying how much money he would get if everyone asks those very basic questions during family gathering such as,

1. Asking about when he will go to college (100$)

2. Asking about girlfriend / dating life ($150)

3. Asking about when he will go to his military service ($150)

4. Asking about what he will do in his future career ($500)

He was being sarcastic that he is selling those “worry” that people over him according to that price.