Dear Victoria B:

A clue to what happened may be in that conversation you had with him that last morning you saw him. Would you like to describe it in more detail, what you said to him, how…? What he said to you beyond the sentence you quoted, that sort-of-apology for not taking you out to dinner the night before?

anita

Dear Victoria:

I agree with you: cutting contact with you, like he did, is indeed heartless and you did not deserve it.

He had a reason why he did that, not a justifiable or honorable reason, but a reason. His reason does not mean you did anything wrong. It was fair that you expressed your feelings to him honestly and openly that last day you saw him, that was the right thing for you to do.

You wrote: “I don’t think it was anything what I said as I was very patient and calm about the situation”- even though you were calm and patient, maybe he felt distressed anyway, maybe ashamed or guilty about his lack of availability to you, his minimal investment and  participation in it. Maybe he felt angry at you, as in …how dare she complain? Hard to imagine, the latter possibility, isn’t it? And yet, it is a possibility that he felt that he was not appreciated by you and should have been.

What is certain is this reality: when we conduct ourselves mindfully, attentively, do the best we can to treat others well, it does not mean that we will be treated well in return. That is unfortunate, yet it is not uncommon.

anita