Naomi,

I’m sorry for your suffering, and know how draining racing thoughts can become. Letting go of a thought is tricky, because when we attend the thought in that way, we give it strength. Instead, letting go is about removing the concentration directed at the thought. Consider perhaps moving back to the sense of the breath, such as the feeling of the air moving past your nostrils, the rising and fading of coolness deep in your nasal area, or the rising and falling of the abdomen. Attend the feeling instead, and the thoughts become like ripples. Breath, in… a thought jumps in… don’t be frustrated with yourself, don’t be harsh with yourself… just watch the nature of the mind, and gently move back to the breath. The ripples are normal, thoughts jumping in, pulling your attention away from the breath. The practice really is about moving the attention back to the breath, gently, as the attention strays. If the agitation remains strong, such as a few moments after the thought pulls you away, you begin following it along such as “breath, oh, what is for dinner, well last night we had chicken, so tonight maybe pasta. Oh, but pasta has all those carbs, but we did get that whole grain pasta…..” then consider a counting breath exercise. Ajahn Jayasaro has a counting breaths instruction on YouTube if you’re interested/in need.

Consider also starting with a metta meditation before attempting mindfulness cultivation. Buddha taught that metta (the feeling of loving friendship) helps the mind develop concentration quickly, and the mind becomes more like an open field with little blossoms within it. Said differently, “letting go” is much more like “letting be”, where we don’t push away or pull in the thought, we simply let it be and it goes. Also, metta meditation helps with anxiety, because it repatterns the mind to think friendly thoughts instead of fearful ones. Consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” if interested.

Finally, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Consider you’ve had quite some time to get good at being anxious, it will take time for it to recede. This is normal, usual, and not an indicator that something is not working correctly. Just about every meditator struggles with the difference between letting go of a thought and settling into the breath. So be patient with yourself, loving, gentle… you deserve your tender attentions.

With warmth,
Matt