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Dear helleia,
it is obvious from what you wrote that you are distressed. “Crying histerically” is another sign of depression or, to use another word, burnout. From what you wrote in the other thread you are under a lot of stress trying to fit in, comparing yourself to your classmates: “they were already at a higher level than me when we were all freshmen. It was so obvious.” and trying to finish college. This would be a challenge for anyone, but if you have depression on top of it, being reinforce by your constant struggles – then right now, by not getting competent counseling, by not admitting that you might need professional help, you make your life a lot worse than it has to be. Your “slowness” for example, might be a part of you that says “I don’t want to keep going like this, I want things to change! And if things don’t change I’m not playing along anymore.”A therapist can help you develop the skills to deal with your stress and to deal with your negative thinking. He/she will also listen to all your “whining” because she knows there is some basic need that is not fullfilled right now.
You might think you don’t need that, but I would ask you to consider this: if someone broke an arm, would you tell him: “well get your act together and stop whining.” No I think you would make sure he sees a doctor. Depression is just the same, you can’t just wish it away. And I’m wondering if maybe right now your have been in this state for so long, you don’t know that things can be different.
On Youtube, you can find a video called “I had a black dog, his name was depression.” It might help you understand better what I’m trying to say.
I do realize I made a lot of assumptions based on what you wrote here and also based on my own experience. But especially if you suffer from depression, it might be difficult for your to accept it. So I urge you again to see a councilor to get some real evaluation and help. Maybe this is even something that can be solved in a few sessions.
Thank you so much to both of you.
No worries, I have already been seeing a therapist for a while. The only thing I haven’t tried was a psychiatrist, so I’d never really had clinical diagnoses.
I go on the forums to try to supplement that. I am aware I get those states so I posted here to see if there is anything else I can do aside from what I usually do.
I wasn’t able to reply to my previous post because there were so many replies already and I was quite busy that time.
Yes, I’m really considering it might be mild depression. There’s a lot of evidence to prove it is not full-blown. Nonetheless I am taking precautions. Part of it is sharing my experience and generally keeping physically healthy. As you can see I’d have to be a bit more careful before I dive into medication. It’s expensive, and it may not be the best I can do, considering that I’m very very far from being suicidal.
The worst that really happens is that I am really just not adjusting as well as I’d like, but I’d also have to learn that it’s not a completely bad thing.
And yeah, I guess I did something pretty close to watching cartoons all day :)) I also found that coffee seems to be helping me even if I am not actually lacking sleep (I used to hate coffee). Some studies say it has mild antidepressant effects.
Also, I do get something good out of these “states”. Sometimes I think I’m so funny or even adorable when I cry. And sometimes I’d end up in a very far place on the internet, and come across a video or article that affects me in some profound way. It makes me actually reach out to others also, because when I ask for help, then I guess it’s simply tricking me into having more social interaction than I would normally have (of course that is not really a trick that is bad!)
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 