If you ASK him about a particular trait and he feels there’s room for improvement then I think he’d be justified in telling you. Or if there’s a situation that he sees you being taken advantage of… (you mention being a “doormat”). Otherwise I think I’d have to have a serious discussion about the inappropriate way he talks to you. I mean, seriously, who makes that big of a deal about how another person peels potatoes…at least you’re doing it and he doesn’t have to! If he can’t be more positive and less critical you may want to reevaluate your relationship.

But, before you do that, make sure you’re not inadvertently doing the same thing…constantly pointing out his flaws or things he does “wrong”. It’s an easy habit to fall into.

Good luck and I hope you can resolve this issue!

Dear Wendy:

Can you imagine if you marry him (please don’t!) and this is his child rearing philosophy: ongoing negative criticism and nothing positive to say? You will be raising very anxious, unwell children!

So… please do not marry him and have children with him unless he makes a 90 degree change and sticks with the change for good.

It is not healthy for you to be in a relationship with a man with this life philosophy either, even though you are not a child.

anita

Dear Wendy:

Yes, do stand up for yourself! And if he doesn’t back off and stops negatively criticizing you, maybe you should consider ending the relationship?

Make it clear to him that he needs to stop with the criticism, that you will not tolerate it!

Hope you do and he responds with a changing of his … unwise policy!

And do post again with an update, perhaps…?

anita

Dear Wendy,
Glad to be of help and if he continues with his criticism I would simply reply calmly “As we spoke about, clearly you have something going on with yourself, so I will leave you to it as I won’t allow you to project it on me”

All the best and remember, do not put up with his put downs and let him project his issues on you xxx

Hello Wendy,

There needs to be a healthy and respectful balance when it comes to constructive criticism. To criticize lovingly to help and improve someone who may be having a difficult time is one thing but to criticize in order to cut somebody else down to make you feel better, is not healthy or respectful at all.

If my partner were to ask me what positive traits I see in her, I would be happy to answer her and tell her of all her positive traits that she exudes and carries. If he/she cannot do that, then there is something wrong with this person. I personally feel that it’s not a difficult answer to give to the woman you love.

You’re not over-reacting or being too sensitive, as open communication with your partner is vital for a strong, loving and healthy relationship to succeed. The reason why we fall in love with a person in the first place, is because of all their positive traits they exude.

Wendy, my thoughts about what you should do, is to tell him how you are feeling but since he won’t pick up your calls, that in itself is a very immature way to behave towards you. Someone who truly loves their partner and wants the best for them, is to be communicative and willing to rationalize while calmly listening to you from a loving stand-point. Love is about coming together and being selfless, while working as team with each other and not working against each other by constantly pointing out their flaws.

If he’s not willing or able to have an equal, respectful, loving, communicative and most importantly non-judgmental relationship with you. Then it’s best you let him go, you don’t deserve someone who’s going to cut you down, cut you off by not wanting to be communicative towards you and most importantly you don’t need or want someone who just doesn’t care to want to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with you.

Please let us know how you are doing and you’re more than welcome to come and post/talk to anyone on here at anytime. I may not be around due to work but there are many loving people here, who are willing to support you the best way they can with their helpful advice.

Sending you lots of love, positivity and light your way.

M.

Dear Wendy:

If he is honest and he truly believes in his heart and mind that ongoing negative criticism is an act of love, are you willing to believe it too?

He may be honest, maybe, about how he feels, to the best of his understanding, but are you willing to live under the ongoing negative criticism? Under a reduced amount of it? And are you willing to bring children into the world, children he would deeply care about by negatively criticizing them?

Will those future innocent children feel his deep caring when he negatively criticize them again and again? Or will they feel that they can’t do anything right and develop a low, low self confidence?

And is he avoiding you now, giving you the “silent treatment” as a threat: Take my negative criticism or I will never talk to you again?

Is that a threat you are willing to live with: my-way-or-the-highway?

anita