My older brother and I are about nine years apart. We didn’t have a close relationship growing up or at least I remember him not being the most kindest. I recall many things and the things that stand out the most is him being angry and him my father getting into physical altercations. When he was in his teens or early twenties he found himself in some trouble and went away for sometime.  This may have created some distance as well.  I could make a list of all the things I recall but I don’t want to focus on that as I want to move the story to the present because that where the issue lies.

He got married for the first time about 16 years ago throughout that relationship he was physically abusive.  He had a tendency though to put on airs as if he was the top dog and sort of brag about all his lavish things and fancy people he would be around. It’s hard to describe but this behavior would get under my skin.  Between him and his wife at the time, somehow I found myself tangled up in their mess between the fights or the speculations of him seeing other women, my phone number seem to be on speed dial. It became almost a norm to be in their mess. He would drag me in and then in the next breath tell me to stay out.

I recall one time going to visit him and his family, and I believed I called him to let him know that I arrived, when I was on the phone I chewing and he heard me.  He asked me, “what are you eating?” I said, ” A cookie” He said, “From where?”  I said, “that was in the pantry.” He said, “The next time you come to my house you bring your own cookies.” From that day on I probably stepped foot in that house all of 3-4 times and that was to see my nieces and my grandmother who staying there briefly before going into a nursing home. Another time, I came to him I think almost in tears and told him “I went to the doctor and he said I am depressed.” I was about 20 years old at the time. He said, “Depressed! You don’t know what depression is, I spent 8 years in prison, I know depressed.” This was about 16 years ago.

The problems between him and his first wife continued and then one day she had enough and packed her bags, took my nieces and left. At some point she begin to see someone else.  I don’t know if it was simultaneous or at what point either before or after but my older brother began entertaining another women overseas. Long story short, the new women came to the U.S. and him and his first wife got divorce and he signed the house away to her. At this point I begin to remove and distance myself.

Him and the new women end up getting married and then trouble starts. Now they have a baby and they are no longer together after about 6 years.

So, just the other day my brother reaches out to me and expresses that he always asked our mother about me and would basically like to connect and catch up. I said sure because it seemed genuine and he probably was. I didn’t point out that any time my brother and I would talk he would either 1) ask me a question and proceed to interrupt before I can even finish the sentence. 2) Ask me the same question again after I just responded 3) Focus the conversation completely on him.

This past weekend we got together and I was not sure what to expect. We haven’t really spoken at length or should say he has spoken to me at length in about 6 years since he remarried. I say that he hasn’t spoken because as soon as we sat down, he began talking about his problems, his life, his struggles, his marriages from beginning to end for 3 hours straight. He didn’t allow the conversation to breathe; he didn’t asked me how I was doing or anything. The entire conversation was focused on him. Only when he was pulling off did he say, “Are you okay?”

So, I slept on it and this encounter didn’t sit well with me. I felt like he only came to dump his crap in my lap and to just use me as an ear. To clarify, I received a text from him this past Saturday, we met Sunday, and I texted him yesterday how disgusted I was. I basically told him that when he sent the initial text it seem like you were genuinely interested in connecting and when he arrived he true intentions were shown.

Those three scenarios I listed above about how I interact with my brother, 1) ask me a question and proceed to interrupt before I can even finish the sentence. 2) Ask me the same question again after I just responded 3) Focus the conversation completely on him.  All happened repeatedly for three hours straight and this is another reason I have backed off.