I was in the same situation for a while too. I became amazing friends with this girl and we were amazing friends and would also talk about anything. I knew i had liked for almost the whole time i knew her. I tried many times to convince myself to say something just a simple “i have feeling for you” But for months i did nothing. One day i just wanted it so bad and i had to tell her something. I told her i had feeling for her. By then i had fallen in love. She said she didnt want any relationships. Then i realized it is not worth thinking about it if she doesnt want me back. I kinda got angry and emotional and stuff but i knew i had to move on. It was one of the hardest things i have done relationship wise in my life. I told her GoodBye. I removed her from my life as much as i could. I will never forget her but saying something was the best decision i could have made. I even remember her birthday is tomorrow. Really there is only two options. Say something or do nothing and live in fear. I hope you can convince yourself to say something and i hope it doesnt end up as bad as mine did. But after i had the balls to say that it quite literally changed my life mindset and has me the happiest and best person i can be. Oh and make sure you talk do not text her. Tell yourself over and over until you do it. Trust me you need to say something and say it soon or it will torture you. Tell me how it goes.

Some of the best romances start as friendship. I disagree that because you are friends that means she is only interested in friendship. She could be waiting for you to make the first move, romantically. It’s quite possible that all she wants is friendship and in that case I think it’s appropriate to set healthy boundaries as The Ruminant is advising. However, I think it is rash to give up before you even try, so to speak. Yes, it will inevitably complicate your friendship a bit if the feelings are not returned, but I can’t see it as being any more complicated than the internal angst you feel about keeping this to yourself. I had a friend in college who told me he had feelings for me. I did not share the feelings and told him so, but I can honestly tell you that for the remainder of my time at that school and for years afterwards, he was one of my dearest friends.

As an aside, I may be more on the prudish end of the spectrum, but I think it’s a bit insensitive to talk about sex and lingerie with someone who may have romantic feelings for you if you do not share those feelings. I feel it sends mixed signals. I suppose some people are more open about that stuff than I am, but I believe it could lead a person on to discuss risque topics.

OK, let me ask you this. Why would you cross your fingers and pray that everything will be OK, whilst thinking that you’re not good enough as a romantic suitor? Why not take control of the situation and yourself, stop obsessing, stop selling yourself short and stop giving away your power?

Oh, Ron, let me tell you that one thing that people typically find attractive is confidence and self-esteem. As long as you believe things like “guys who are better than me in every sense”, you are not recognizing what a wonderful person YOU are. If you don’t find yourself worthy of her affections, what makes you think she would? Why not tell us about what makes YOU a desirable partner? We know you’re kind and attentive, what else? Also, I would advise you to stop borrowing trouble from the future. You cannot predict what will happen, but if you truly believe “I will be all gloomy and sad” then you will behave in ways to enforce that belief – our minds want to make our inner reality consistent with our external reality, so we behave in ways that reinforce that, otherwise we feel disjointed and crazy. I am worried about your comment “if I lose her by chance it would mean that I’ll lose myself.” Why do you believe that? Why is your identity wrapped up in what another person thinks of you? You will always have yourself, your own best company. Love and infatuation should be exciting and fun – I wish you wouldn’t “hate these days”, I wish you would love them! Relationships take work and have challenges, so if you’re not even enjoying the fun part, what are you going to do when things get tough?

Yes, I understand what it is that you want, but that’s not what I asked.