I’m sorry, but he is abusive and under no circumstances should you go back to him. He has shown you patterns where the abuse is a consistant issue- the cell phone, the dining room chair, and now it’s getting worse and more frequent. Find a shelter if it is possible, get a restraining order if you must. But do not get into a position where he can continue the abuse, because one of these times it will not be a cell phone or chair, it will be you that he throws and breaks. If he is serious about changing, then he needs to prove it- that would include getting into couneling, going to an anger-management program, and proving for many months that he has changed- and during NONE of that time should you be living with him.

This is just my opinion, of course. But we have all seen cases where someone who abused went back because the other person “changed” only to be injured when they find out that is not the case. Best of luck to you.

Hi Michele, your statements itself suggest that you are done with the relationship but you still want him to be happy when you are gone. This is really nice of you . Well I think his feelings should not be your concern now. Mistakes can be overlooked few times but 3 years was long time for him to learn from his mistakes. Confusions in relationship makes life complicated and it eventually robs you of your happiness.
You said you don’t have feelings for him any more. This itself indicates that you should end this relationship and look forward for a better life where you don’t have to watch your every action in fear of your boyfriend reactions.
I have read a love story probably this might help in reminding you what love actually is.

http://upsohigh.com/in-love-with-memories/

I personally believe that every time love comes in our life, it comes with an expiry date. When you feel that the expiry date of your present love life has reached you should better get going else you will spoil the memories too..Well that’s my perception.

HI Michele,

I read your post and feel a great deal of empathy for you, I have been in your shoes. I spent 12 years in a marriage with an abusive (now ex) husband. Like you, part of me kept wanting to give him a chance, and believed he would do what he could to make the relationship work, from his end. It took me a while to process how I could have been involved for so long, but I now realize that the trap I had fallen into was believing that the solution to problems lies in the future. It doesn’t, the solution to any problem is always found in the present.

The greatest gift I got out of that turmoil was the ability to be more present. I also learned that solutions to problems come in the present, and show evidence of that solution in the present. My mistaken belief was in believing him when he said he would do something (future), so I stayed. He gave me a lot of lip service, but never demonstrated that he was making any changes in the present. I ended up in a marriage to someone what was unemployed for six years, and was never really looking for work, but kept telling me how he was going to be working very soon (future). Worse, he was abusive of me, my kids, and of alcohol. In a healthy relationship, I would have seen him working on those issues, through counseling, and a 12-step program, AND by seeing him applying new ways of relating to people in the present, so the abuse could stop. I did not see that. Instead, he was all talk and no present-time action.

On a day to day basis, unless you see physical evidence that real change is happening (present), based on my experiences with someone who said similar things, and had similar behavior, I’d say leave. Abusive people rarely think they are being abusive, they usually blame their actions on others, and can’t make meaningful change.

The truth is, however, that you probably know this deep down, I just share my experiences because I wouldn’t wish 12 years like that on anyone. It was also in taking responsibility for my behavior that got me out of the relationship. I have to accept that I chose to believe the lies, but at the same time, I am glad I finally did figure it out. My best to you!