Hi Guys,

As a regular reader of Tiny Buddha, I’m hoping you (columnists and readers alike) would be willing to lend your perspective on an issue I’m having. The situation is, like most in life, somewhat messy and certainly complicated, so I’ll try to break it down into bullet points first.

• In 2013, I moved from Denver (my college town) back to my home state of Maine to be closer to my mom as she was dying from ALS.
• During that time, although it certainly wasn’t all roses either, I grew a lot as a person and continued building my career in nonprofits, also eventually fulfilling my goal of moving to Boston.
• A few short months after that move, my mom died more quickly and unexpectedly than planned. The way I ended up grieving was to shut down, emotionally and rationally, and run. I quit my job, broke up with my girlfriend, and quickly moved back to Denver, taking a job in my old industry (audiobook publishing) because it was easy, low stress, and around friends.
• Eventually my mental barriers of grief dropped, and I was able to confront the pain and work through the process, to make peace with it if you will. I realized how hastily I’d acted, and how though where I was was easy, it wasn’t where I want to be.
• I recently took a different job to make ends meet a little easier, in for-profit finance. It’s not working out for a number of reasons- workplace environment, etc- but the most important is that I’m not cut out for this industry and line of work. It doesn’t line up with my ideals of helping others (hence, my preference for the nonprofit industry) and though I like my coworkers, I’m just not at home here, several months in.
• I’ve also been suffering from extreme homesickness since moving to Denver. I love many things about Colorado but it isn’t home; New England is where my roots are.
• I’m scared of just packing up and going back. I’d probably be able to find a job relatively quickly, and I may have just enough savings to swing the move. But I’m worried what it’d do to my career prospects in a larger sense, and to what social networks (small, but valuable) that I’ve built here.
• Mostly I’m just extremely homesick and feeling stuck, for financial and other reasons, in an industry that’s not suited to me. I took it because I was wowed by money and perks. Once I had them, I realized again why they’re inessential and in some ways detrimental to my life as a Buddhist practitioner who wants to help others suffer less.
• Thoughts? What you would do, in my position? Perspective from your own experiences? To follow my gut and my heart, or be cautious and stay put for fear of making another rash decision?

Thank you so much in advance. Please let me know if you need more details or clarification.

With gratitude,

Jack