Dear confused-gal-78:
I think you have it right when you state: “(My feelings) based on 2 years ago and not now.” and: “I’ve definitely changed in the last 2 years…” This is realistic thinking- hat off to you. On the other hand you state that you “expect he has (changed) as well” and that he too is “not the same people (he was) before.” How do you know that? Just because you changed does not mean he has as well. The circumstances of his life may have changed but it doesn’t mean he has grown or matured like I hope is what you meant about you changing in the last two years.

You shared that he told you that you are the one, and that is after two months of a relationship two years ago… How do you take that? What does it mean or could it mean, you being “The One”? It sounds good, THE ONE. What does it mean? If I was you i would ask myself what it means to me… and I would ask him what it means to him. Was his wife The One when he married her? When he stopped seeing you two years ago- was she The One then, again? And if you are The One now, and you disagree or doubt it, whatever it means, are you still The One? Is it written in the stars (meant to be forever together- is that what it means?) Is it a destiny thing? I can go on and on.

You write that you are confused, that is unable to think clearly? Well, ask him and listen to him. Listen to him talk. There is no destiny that you are supposed to spot and fulfill. There are people many who stumble in the dark, trying to hold on to this or that (often enought to one The One or another), and as you meet these people, look and SEE, be willing to see what they are after, where they are in their thinking- look and listen.
anita

Dear confused-gal-78:
There is a way to be way less confused and that is to gather evidence. Life should not be a guessing game, not completely anyway. We can minimize the guessing and increase our chances for success. You wrote: “I can only guess that he means this in the same way when he says it to me.” See, you don’t have to “only guess.” Ask him what he means and listen to his answer – or lack of answer.

You have a choice, to “get back with him” as you wrote above, or not to- but not right away: you do not have enough information to make this decision.

When you are about to make a decision in any other area of life outside a relationship, don’t you gather information? If you want to buy a car, don’t you look at ads, see what is available, what to look for in a particular ad (price, mileage, etc) – why not gather information BEFORE you make a decision. No rush!

Once you patiently gather information and have enough to it- then you can make a decision. This should not be a .. must decide now or the opportunity will disappear. Why don’t you tell him you want to talk and find out where he is at and where you are at and meet him for coffee or tea and CONVERSATION. Apply the Scientific Method, apply science to this, the gathering information step.

You worte you don’t know exactly how you feel about this man. No wonder you don’t. You don’t know him! Not really. And you don’t know what to do for the best- how can anyone know what to do in your situation- I don’t. The wisest person has no way of knowing without gathering information, giving time to find out those things. You asked: “if I get back with him will it work out?If I stay away will I be happy?” Nobody can tell the future but you can maximize your chances to be happy if you don’t go about this blindly, as if life is a magic thing, a rabbit out of a hat. Find out how life works and you will be on top of things, you will have lots of control over things that are under your control. No more confusion. It feels great to not be confused when confusion is not at all necessary.

What do you think???
anita

Dear no-longer confused gal (I hope?):
I would be suspicious of his decleration that he always loved you- that feels like desperation on his part- maybe he feels so lonely…maybe he wants to win you over FAST by saying that he always loved you. I would ask: “always? What is always?” If you ask him this on the phone or online (however you communicate, him being in another town) and he said something that rang FALSE- if you ask questions you can find out more about him, enough so you can figure out if you even what to meet him or not. Ask. Ask. Ask. Post again with progress on your communication with him, if you’d like. Don’t leave it to magic and you will not be confused.
anita

Dear (no longer) confused-gal-78:
Thank you for the update. I hope you copy this correspondence for future reference? Or somehow keep it…Congratulations for gathering evidence, your lack of feelings for him being the evidence you needed.
anita

Im in that my self I Thought I met my soul mate. lived with him 2ys broke up I moved out for 2ys got myself a apt. I lived on my own befor we met in a studio apt. anyqay I came in to Financial Hardship a year ago he had a extra room he said no strings. I haad no where else to go. know he thinks we are back together. he drinks to much has a bad Attitude sometimes I do all the housework. he has a good job a nice home dose not hit me. he dose all the talking trwating me like Im stupid at times. hes alway tells me hes so in love with me and he makes shure that I have everythinng I need like clothes bath stuff things like that. but then when he drinks to much he stats bitchng about everything do I need to let go and move on or stay here him bitch about everything that he finds wrong in this life. My Anxiety and stress im always under. he dose not want me to work he wants me to be the house wife. not married no kids at 53 years old im at my wits end i can talk to him untill im blue in the face he still dont get it.

old and tired