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Confused. I don't know what to do…

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  • October 28, 2017 at 11:47 pm #175387
    Saniya
    Participant

    Time to introspect… Wat u want…. If only his not moving in was the issue….. Or there were other things……. Only distance issue doesn’t  end the relationship…..

    And if u hv really moved on…. If u feel breaking up was rite thing then it is definitely….

    Give it a thought.

    Gud luck

    October 28, 2017 at 11:51 pm #175389
    greenshade
    Participant

    Hi Ben!

    Welcome to the forum.

    I think the time to take a steep forward in a relationship, especially a big step like moving in, is when things are going well, and you’re happy with where you are and where the relationship is going. I think when there is doubt and uncertainty, its time to scale back, reevaluate and see if you’re compatible before moving forward together.

    Two possible questions to explore in your situation are what caused you to feel like you were losing the spark ( whether it fizzled out naturally or did something lead to you losing interest, if so, what was it, is it likely to happen again), and whether your partner is working on his anger issues and what he’s doing to work on them. If you wish to continue with the relationship I would suggest exploring these areas, and then moving forward not by moving in together directly, but starting to see each other again slowly and evaluating if there’s something there that’s worth investing time and effort in.

    Best of luck!

    M

    October 29, 2017 at 5:15 am #175397
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ben:

    Your confusion following breaking up with him started, reads to me,  when he “rang (you), really upset, in tears,  and (your) heart really felt for him”. If so, it is empathy that you felt for him and likely guilt, feeling responsible for his distress.

    Empathy is not enough of a motivation, by itself, to restart the relationship. After all, you feel empathy for other people but will not be in an intimate relationship with them, correct?

    And guilt, it is a strong motivator, but is often unjustified, that is, people don’t do wrong and feel they did do wrong. So, challenge that guilt, if you feel it. Is it justified? Did you do wrong?

    anita

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