Hi Tracey

I am sorry for the hard times that you have been through. Anyone can develop self doubts with such incidents.

Hey, whats the worst that can happen if you just be Tracey who doesn’t fear anything that comes her way in this world ? This current BF may leave, you may not find another BF for a long time, you may not have kids, you may not get married, you may not have grand kids, you may not be able to decorate a nursery for your kid etc. The list can go on.

Everything in the list is MAY or MAY not happen, which means there are no guarantees in life. I mean who could understand this better than yourself with your experiences over the last few months ? Think about this for a few moments as it will make you feel calm and peaceful.

Many things (actually all but this might not make sense to you as yet) that happen in our lives are our own projections. If you project self-doubt, your partner will do more such things to confirm that. If you project love and confidence, everyone around you will start doing actions that confirm those feelings. Life is very simple when it comes to feelings and emotions. What you project in your mind and heart is what you get on the big screen of life.

Try flipping things around and enjoy spending time with your new partner without fear, self doubt or any expectations. Just cherish each moment with him and without him. You need to spend some time with yourself as well to work on self. We cant suddenly stop projecting negative emotions – this needs work, patience, self nurture and self love.

Pls give this person the attention he deserves without any underlying agendas or preconceived ideas. Accept him for what he is and he will automatically start accepting you the way you are. We are all perfect as we are. We need to acknowledge that and be kind to ourselves and others. We are harsh to ourselves and others as we fear loss, hurt and all negative experiences. But hey, life is all about balance – negative and positive. No one has all the sadness all the time and no one has all the happiness all the time. A bit of both makes life beautiful and worth being grateful for.

Now wipe those tears (;)) and give us a big smile 🙂

You are worth it and so is this new partner of yours.

Blessings

Jasmine

Thanks Cyd.

Hey Tracey

Aaaahhhhha…so we come to the main point now : how to learn to be loving to yourself. Hey, I have heaps of strategies that I have used with great success. I will cut and paste some of my older posts here. Bear with me, pls.

Impt point to grasp and reflect on: People do what they do as it feels right to them at that point in time. Everyone is unique and different. While we all long for love and acceptance deep down, we express it in different ways depending on our environmental, social, genetic and spiritual conditioning. NO ONE IS EVER WRONG IN A TrUE SENSE. It is only a matter of personal perspective, which changes constantly as we grow our consciousness.

What can you do to make yourself feel proud of yourself:
– forget about your age; age means nothing anymore when it comes to finding your love or having kids in this world. Please do not become a victim of societal pressures. You can get married at the age of 70 as well. What matters is that you are kind to yourself and have a beautiful heart.

– love yourself : If you do not love yourself and respect yourself the most, everyone else will just come and walk all over you in some form or other. You will never achieve stability in your head even after having a family or kids. It is our mind, which is amazingly powerful and keeps us stuck in the rut if we do not take control of it.

– accept yourself the way you are and it will become effortless to accept everyone else as they are. Forgive yourself and it will become effortless to forgive others.

– accept that there is ONLY ONE of YOU in this world. There can never be another one of you ever, which means you are very special and valued member of this Universe. You have a purpose for being here. Pls look after yourself and smile heaps. Listen to soul soothing music, dance to your hearts content, cook for yourself, go out for a coffee date with yourself, go for a swim and catch the waves, exercise etc. There are so many things that you can do with TRACEY – you just need to find what makes your heart sing n dance 🙂

– write down all the lessons that you can learn from the last few years and previous relationship and see which ones bring the most happiness into your life if you could incorporate those lessons. Every incident, relationship (good or bad), every person is here to teach us something or learn something from us. What did this ex teach you ? What can you take into the future ? What needs to be left behind forever ?

– pls pls pls pls pls let go and forgive this ex of yours. Let him go. When you do that, you will free yourself in a huge way and it will be a liberating experience. Grieve if need be but move forward sooner rather than later.

– always remember, you are loved by YOU no matter what happens in this world. YOU will always be there for yourself. So why the self- doubt or any fear ?

– There is an awesome author by the name of Susan Jeffers (who has left the body now) who should be able to start you on your journey. Her book titled, Feel the fear and do it anyway, will come handy every time you feel down or need a pick me up. Start with the last 2 chapters and if they resonate with your being, you can read the first 10 simple chapters for various tools that you can use. What is required is disciplined ACTION on your part. Often, we want to do things or make positive changes in our lives but forget to take the action. Until, we apply the learnings into our life, changes do not occur.

– http://dev.tinybuddha.com/topic/4-strategies-to-heal-a-broken-heart/ – excellent article by Cynthia posted few weeks ago on TB.

– helping others achieve their goals and happiness helps to bring more of the same in our lives. Consider smiling more, giving way to someone in traffic, help someone out with loose change, buy a cuppa for someone random, say random thanks etc. All these activities will increase your positivity level and wah lah, soon you will be telling us how good life is 🙂

Blessings,

J

Hi Tracey,

Thank you for posting your story and for receiving this great advice! Really nice!

Big blue

PS: it’s actually really awesome on the back burner, you will get your health and mojo back then look out world 🙂