Dear Anita,

I do not know how to thank you for the time you put into writing to me.

Do you know – I was talking about the ex boyfriend and the “partner” sorry for confusing you. The last number 6-13 is my current “partner” – as I have never really spoken about my ex boyfriends behaviour I though I would hav included that in the picture.

I imagine both has similar traits – one more obvious than the other. See my “current” partner is older and have more likable traits. I would consider that as his weak side – and it only shows up here and there. I wonder then if it is his way or the highway – maybe that’s why I feel quite lonely and longing to be free. I like him so much more on a distance.

I can not remember the last time I did not have drama in my life – it almost feel like a drug that’s going out from the system.

I met a friend yesterday and she said that I was talking about me having troubles in the relationship already 2 years ago.
What was I waiting to change. Or was I waiting for me to change. I just made it harder by staying. So much harder.

I still want him to call, I still want him to care. I still want him to be someone I could lean on and be with. Is that wrong of me.

I am far from perfect and I know that. But I am somehow tired thinking I am broken and need someone to value me. Maybe for the wrong reasons.

I regret not writing dairy through these 3 years – so I could remember how I been feeling. I guess other people can tell me how I’ve been feeling.

Best wishes,

Ann

Do you mind me asking Camilla – when you were in your relationship did you feel like you changed as well – but not for the better.

I can not by myself figure out if I have been hurt or not. For so long I have tried to mould myself in to a shape that fits around him.

I sometimes think he has narcisssistic traits. He rarely find things I say interesting and prefer talking about himself (Maybe every human does), the smallest thing from vacuum cleaning can sound like the biggest achievment when he has done it (I did it every day and he once a year.), many times he directed something positive that happened for me to him, always defending himself and making it out that I was the one that was wrong, sensitive or crazy.

The thing is that on the other hand he have all these qualities he also was sad when I left him. Not at first – he was stone cold and then sad but he kept fluctuating between the two. As i was far from him he seemed to loose physical control over me which must have been hard for him.

I think the worst thing is when you come to a point you can no longer understand when someone is treating you with no respect – I can honestly say that I don’t know.

He always speak so kindly about others. I just came off the phone to him and we spoke for an hour and he asked me one question during the whole time. Everyone else adores him so it makes me wonder if I am the one that is needy and want to much attention.