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how to restore the old feeling ?

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  • February 15, 2014 at 2:28 am #51046
    drake
    Participant

    hey everyone,
    i am a 15 year old guy. i used to be a really passionate person. My self-esteem was at its peak. As i wasnt a jerk to brag about it all the time, it wasnt definitely good Then one day, for the very first time, i fell in love with a girl at my school. But i knew she didnt and probably never would, because she hung out with ‘cooler’ guys. And obviously, she just ignored me. Eventhough i felt bad, i wouldnt talk to her. I kept this feeling to myself. My grades began to fall. I went from being an A grader to failing in physics. I started having extreme mood swings. My esteem stooped to the lowest. Even when i tried to think positive, my mind said “you’re just running away from the truth and trying to cover it up”. I began hating myself. Then a couple of weeks later, a miracle happened. I somehow managed to kill my feelings for her. That day, i felt like the happiest person on earth. But after a month, i fell in love. Again. This time, i am like “what the …. i dont want to go through that phase again.” Few days ago, i was just staring at her. She noticed it and started staring back at me. This went on for like 3-5 seconds. I am not sure what it means.i hardly talk to her. she is leaving the country next month. My question is how do i become passionate and happy again ? Should i kill my feelings again as they might hurt me or go ahead with it ? i feel that it is all because i cant handle my emotions.
    Apologies if such a huge story was irrelevant.

    February 15, 2014 at 6:00 am #51052
    memm
    Participant

    I’ve felt that way before, but I’ve come to the conclusion that that feeling isn’t actually love, it’s not lust either though. It’s closest to falling in love with your imagination of falling in love.

    I think it’s basically your imagination getting the better of you, reality is rarely how we imagine things to be. You can’t actually know if you’re in love until you get to know her, you can’t actually know if she’s ignoring you until you try to talk to her and you can’t really know how anything will turn out until you try something. That’s reality, there’s no way of getting around it.

    Also it’s not that you can’t handle your emotions; emotions are difficult to handle, it actually takes practice and even training to handle emotions! It’s probably not something you should care about at 15 though, but if you want to be progressive for your age then thinking about life in general or taking up meditation could save you the trouble later. Because if TinyBuddha is any indication, you can still face the same issues 5, 10 or even 30 years from now. Probably no point in waiting for them to hit you in the face when you’re 50. =]

    Something I’ve heard and found out for myself that helps is trying to balance everything, if you think something is amazing try to find flaws. If you think somebody is beautiful look for things that make them ugly. It’s not so much about “killing emotions”, the person is obviously still beautiful in a lot of ways, but that’s no longer the _only_ thing you see, which forces you to see the reality instead of just what you want to see, which helps manage the emotions evoked through our imagination of how we think things are.

    Works the other way around too, if at first glance we think something is awful, look for things that make it interesting. Balancing things out in this way balances out the emotions and then you can tackle reality with a clear head and make better decisions.

    It all still takes practice, I’m far from perfect at managing my emotions, but I’m probably a lot better at it than a year ago before I thought about any of this. So it helps, with time and practice.

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