Dear Grace:

“he started to just slap my a*s in the hallway, in front of people… I really hate myself for allowing it”- he is the one who did something that was wrong to do: slapping your butt, without your consent and in public. You are not responsible for his wrongdoing, he is!

I hope you no longer hate yourself.

The problem in regard to this guy, in addition to him being rude for slapping you in the hallway,  is that there was never a clear verbal communication between the two of you, so you (and your peers) keep guessing, not knowing the truth.

“Help? Advice?”- separate facts and guessing. For example: when he told you that “he couldn’t decide between me and another girl”- it’s a fact that he told you these words. The following is you guessing as to his intent:  “I thought wow he’s so straight up… I think he genuinely asked for my input on what he should do”.

For clear communication leading to you knowing the truth instead of guessing, you could have asked him what he meant by the statement that he made, asking him for information. Maybe his intent was to tease you, to get a reaction out of you, and not because he was really considering asking you or another girl to be his girlfriend.

Ask, and you will find out. Don’t ask, and you will be guessing, making assumptions that may be true, or not, with no way of knowing, feeling confused and powerless.

Communicate with people clearly and simply, ask questions, be specific, and you will find yourself clear, more confident and less anxious.

anita

Dear Grace:

Before you figure if you want to “give him another change”, or to “never respond”, or to “kind of tell him off” (the three options you came up with), ask him questions!

Over the phone, or in person (not over text), ask him why did he grab your butt in public all those times, ask him what was his intention when he did that, ask him if he did that to other girls too, and if he feels fine with it.

Ask him, and let me know what answer he gave you, will you?

anita