I met my now boyfriend 2 years ago at a party. At the time, I didn’t want anything serious and never thought 1.5 years later we could be in a serious relationship about to live in an apartment together while we both finish school. However lately I’ve been having more guilt about past lies I’ve told.

My entire childhood I never really had friends so I would make up lies about my life to make myself seem “cooler” to all the kids on the playground. The main one that bothers me is one drunk night when we weren’t dating I told him that my best friend from high school had died the previous year. What actually happened was that we were extremely close and one day she vanished. Everything was fine and one night she didn’t answer a text. Then she didn’t answer the phone, snapchats, anything. I never heard from her again. It went from everything being perfect and normal to her just being gone. It did feel like she had died, because one day she was there and the next she was gone. I was depressed for awhile after that, grieving our lost friendship and the bond that we had had for so many years. I don’t know why I ever told him that, probably because I never really saw him sticking around but now here we are.

Basically now he’s grown to be my best friend who I tell everything to, but it eats me up that I ever told him that. Part of me wants to confess but its been so long that I feel like if I did he would never be able to trust anything else I’ve told him. I haven’t lied in so long that I don’t want to lose him or his trust. I don’t know if this is one of those cases where it’s better to just not tell the truth and keep on the path of being truthful and honest and stopping the lying or risk our relationship just to clear my conscious.