Wow, Julie, I think this is great stuff to be thinking through.

You say this guy has grown to be your best friend who you tell everything to. That sounds like something worth nurturing.

If you want a deeply honest relationship, I think that means being on a path where you (and he) don’t harbor secrets from one another. You are agonizing over this issue, enough to write in to this website. I hear how much this is bothering you. I doubt you can have a truly honest relationship with someone, if you’re “honest” about some things, but not about others.

If you decide to share this with him, then there’s the question of how to go about it. It might be wise first to get very clear why you lied, why you lied to him, why you’re now telling him about the lie, and what you’re doing (and have done) to get rid of lying from your relationship (like telling him about this secret).

Your thoughts?

Craig

Dear Julie:

I would like to address the question in the title of your thread, but first: do you have any idea why your friend vanished, did you try to find out, go to her home, talk to mutual friends…?

anita