Hi Everyone,
Your stories and advice are amazing thank you.
I am in a relationship that is making feel very stuck and deeply sad.
Three years ago I was seriously injured and left bed bound on a lot of painkillers for a year (am much better now). During that time my partner of 16 years who I loved more than anything and was passionately close to had a 3 month affair. It was an odd affair he proved to me that he did little to solicit it and made it very difficult for the woman to pursue him. He would mostly only meet her on his lunch break and as her job was an hour and a half away from him by car she would take 4 hours out of her day sneaking away from her patients (she is as a palliative care nurse) to come to him at lunchtimes. He did go running with her some weekends and on two occasions actively met with her once at a hotel she arranged and paid for and once in her house. On several occasions he tried to break it off but gave in.

I know what he tells me is true from e-mails I have seen and a letter the woman wrote to his work after the affair ended (I found out and confronted them both). The initial few months after the affair were hell lots of separate bedrooms, fighting, crying anger and heartache. I was completely destroyed. The turmoil eventually settled down but I remained hurt so deeply I cannot imagine anything ever hurting me more. I kept telling myself that I would regret it if I made the decision to split up with him based on anger and I had to wait until that subsided.

My problem is it has been just over two years now and I am still very angry but more than that I am completely broken with hurt and sadness. I know he loves me profoundly and am amazed and have respect for what he has been willing to go through with me over the last two years. Sometimes I think I love him deeply and other times not at all. I feel no security in the relationship and am convinced it is only a matter of time until he hurts me again and he has been unable to convince me otherwise. I think I am trying to push him to leave me but I cannot bring myself to end the relationship.

I feel so sad about the life we have at the moment, both for him and for me and wish I could find a way to resolve it but I really don’t know what to do.