Dear Dana:

Did you tell your girlfriend what you wrote above: “I feel like her choosing a base solely on where I am is essentially a commitment to keep dating her for the next four years. I love her and I want to continue dating, but I’m in no way ready for that level of commitment… I feel like I have two options: let her chose the base near me and risk feeling tied down and/or guilty if we do end up breaking up, or just break up with her now even though I really like our relationship.” The WHOLE thing?

If you did, did you have a discussion about exactly what you wrote here?

My advice will be based on this information I am asking..

anita

Dear Dana:

Then I recommend you do end your relationship with her. Although it is her decision to move where she will, and you are not responsible for it, I understand your fear. You are both 18. You may be more mature than her, less needy. More reasonable, more realistic. I would break up, kindly, as gently as you can, but make it definite so she understand it is your final decision.

I recommend you break up with her even though you like her because of the difference between you is too great in the neediness department. This neediness can indeed bring you a lot of trouble in the future, I can see it as very possible. In other words, I think your fears are realistic about the guilt you may feel in the future, the guilt that she may even use against you…

Because no matter how many times you tell her that it is HER decision, in her mind it may be yours.

Better to let go, all the way.

anita