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Cold Husband

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  • #233451
    riris
    Participant

    Dear all

    A few months a posted this :https://tinybuddha.com/topic/im-the-one-with-toxic-behaviour/, about cheating my husband and how I felt about it.

    Well, even though I can’t justify my cheating, there is a reason.

    We are 14 years together. In the meantime, we are married and have a baby of 10 months.

    The problem is this: he’s cold. He doesn’t show affection towards me. I’m not talking about sex, but things that are very important to me, like a stroke in my hair, a hug, a kiss,… In short, he lacks bodily warmth. Many times I’ve talked with him about it and everytime he says: “I’m like that”. End of discussion. I’ve tried to deal with it, but I can’t. I search for affection elsewhere, which is not good at all.

    The root of this is with his father. He’s cold as well, and when I stayed at their home, the atmosphere was very tense. Nobody spoke. In my family, we have more warmth, we talk, we don’t hug all the time, but there is more openly affection.

    I’ve minimalised this problem, thought it will get better, but it doesn’t. I just need someone who strokes my back and hair and he doesn’t do that. So, what am I supposed to do?

    Thanks for reading.

    Riris

     

    #233455
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Riris:

    Welcome back!

    If you are currently not involved with another man, and because he refuses to stroke your hair and back or hold your hand, hug you and such, then I suggest you ask your husband if it is okay with him that you will get involved with another man for the purpose of a man stroking your hair and back and such.

    What do you think about asking him that?

    anita

     

    #233463
    riris
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Thanks!

    No, I’m not involved with another man. Well, he’s quite conservative, but I’ll ask him. But I don’t know if that can be a solution. I just want to be him to stroke my hair and touch me. Actually, it’s about touching each other in an affectionate way.

    I can leave him and be heartbroken because I love him and my baby, or I have to suck it up (excuse my language) and deal with it. But I did that so many years and I feel frustrated.

    #233467
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Riris:

    You wrote that you “don’t know if that can be a solution”- I understand that you want him to be physically affectionate with you and that because he refused, you had an affair, or affairs. Are you closed now to that solution or are you still considering it?

    If you are still  considering it, then it will be fair for you to ask him, maybe he is okay with it, maybe he prefers that you have affairs than to touch you affectionately. If this is the case, you will learn more about him, wouldn’t that be an interesting piece of information, if indeed he prefers that you have affairs over touching you affectionately?

    anita

    #233509
    Bell
    Participant

    Hi Riris and Anita,

    i couldn’t help much in this topic. But I just wanted to express that this is the problem of me with my boyfriend too! We never hold hands, he seldom kissed me, and he only did those during sex. And sometimes he makes me feel used, because it feels like sex and not love-Making. He also doesn’t really look me in the eyes and just generally very cold towards me. It wasn’t like that initially but gradually got worse. I also think I am still very in love with him but cheated because he is not giving me the affectionate I want from him.

    #233527
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * Dear Bell: I will refer to this post in my reply to you next, on your own thread.

    anita

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