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  • #150213
    Craig
    Participant

    Hi Sassypants,

    You said: “he is the person that put us here.”

    It seems to me that you have a choice. You can be “right” or you can be in relationship. If you want this relationship to work, you probably will have to look at what was not working prior to the incident, and own your role while he has to own his role.

    I am NOT saying that you have any responsibility for his actions. You are only responsible for your actions.

    Something was breaking down in your relationship before he did the actions of contacting his ex. You were delving into it with this: “Some insight as to why he did it…. I didn’t make him feel wanted. He mistakens my strong independence as that I care less. ”

    You could discard him if you so choose. But if you want this relationship to survive and thrive, I think you and he will have to talk and learn and understand everything that was going on with him at the time, and everything going on with you at the time. All people make sense all of the time. If you understand his sense, and he understands your sense, you can probably get through this.

    Craig

     

    #150416
    secularbuddhist
    Participant

    The best thing to do in your situation is to stop trying to be in control.  Why do you want his passwords?    So you can give yourself the illusion of control?  Sharing passwords with eachother in order to feel secure is a big red flag that something is wrong.  In the end, no matter how many of his passwords you have, you will never be in control of who he talks to or what he does, and that’s a good thing.  Don’t madden yourself with the illusion of control.

    Unfortunately, you can’t expect anything extra because of what he did in the past.  He doesn’t deserve to be on a leash or stuffed into a cage, but more importantly, YOU don’t deserve to have to deal with that.  That’s just not how relationships work: he didn’t hurt you on purpose–in fact, I bet he was trying as hard as he could not to hurt you, and that’s why punishing him doesn’t make sense, and also why it won’t make you feel any better.  If you think you can’t be happy with just forgiving him and going back to being equals, then you probably should just end it.

     

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