I have thought deeply about your situation and I have a wife with a similar childhood as yours. I always wondered how she could go so long without showing affection as well when we were younger. What I realized over the years is that she is strong but a wounded little girl lives deep inside her. The problem you are having is an immature male who doesn’t get women yet. Your experience requires a partner who is strong enough to know he is loved and works to love and support you as you are. He wants you to behave as he wants and that is called control. If you are anything like my wife emotionally you don’t need anyone but require a supportive partner. Real love is in your heart but you are weary that it can be ripped away any moment and this is reinforced when you have a partner not mature enough to see the impact of your childhood on your current relationship. A lot of men would be very happy to have a woman like you but weaker men tear them apart to keep them under their control. You have a child who will only be as happy as the mother raising them and you know that better than anyone. Strong is beautiful, wounds heal with time and love. Men are good, just take the time to weed out the selfish ones who want to change you.

@turquoise115 – Thank you!! I just got out of a relationship that brought up those same insecurities for me, and for a few weeks now I have been sitting here wondering if there was anything I could have done to make it go differently. But your words were exactly what I needed! He was very immature, and as it turned out quite selfish, and just simply didn’t have the personality to be able to support me as I dealt with my insecurities. He first distanced himself from me emotionally, then got “busy” at work, and finally sent me an e-mail to say he was seeing someone else after we had been together for over a year. That is not the way an emotionally mature person behaves, and more and more I see that there is nothing I could have ever done to have this turn out any different.

But I didn’t really tie this all to control issues until I read your comment. You are absolutely right! The reason I felt he wanted me to behave differently is because he was trying to control my behavior, to be like he wanted me to be, but not let me be who I needed to be to fully grow.

Wow, thanks. Your comment was a revelation!