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Caught in a Bullying Situation

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  • December 14, 2016 at 3:29 am #122668
    joanna
    Participant

    Hi, I know all the stuff on how to avoid bullying situations. But how do you do it, when due to certain responsibilities, you can’t get away from these people? I have to (no choice) be around a very bullying (verbal) man, who takes all I say out of context. I am very passive and kind, and usually put up with it. Today he has upset me greatly again (he upsets other people too sometimes). But when I try to ‘be calmly assertive’, he reacts angrily and accuses me of being argumentative and immature, when I am not, I just reach a point where I have to stand up for myself. I see this man daily, so it is starting to sink into me like osmosis.

    There is no way I can presently walk away, as (it’s too long to explain) but others around him need my help. So I can’t do the two things recommended (walk away or be calmly assertive). Is there a 3rd way? The man is driving me nuts. I try to just put up with as ‘karma’. But I also know that the reason he treats me like this way, is because he thinks he can. The only people around him who could talk to him have left me to it, as they find him difficult too. I don’t mean to be mean, he has his good points. But I don’t know what to do.

    December 14, 2016 at 6:38 am #122678
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear joanna:

    You wrote: “Today he has upset me greatly”- can you give the details of this incident, today: how did he upset you greatly, what was the interaction with him that upset you greatly?

    Sometimes details are important for accurate understanding of a situation.

    anita

    December 14, 2016 at 5:02 pm #122741
    Mimi
    Participant

    Without knowing more yet, the only thing I could suggest right now is dealing with him as little as possible, then get away from him. Just answer questions briefly or tell him what you need to tell him, calmly and unemotionally, then go on about your business.

    I don’t know if this is possible, but if it is, maybe it would help.

    Fixing or changing him will probably never happen, but maybe you can lessen his effect on you.

    December 15, 2016 at 12:36 am #122758
    VJ
    Participant

    Dear joanna,

    Good you believe in karma. To break the negative karmic link between the both of you, follow the below. Do it at all other times but especially during those unfavourable moments with the person. If it gets uncontrollable at certain times, do this, take the necessary action or say whatever you think is required to be said at that moment, again do this.

    1) Do a variation of Ho’oponopono

    Continously chant/say,
    I’M SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME THANK YOU

    Note you are not saying this to that person.
    Don’t bother about whom you’re saying to. Simply say it! Say it over and over. Mean it.
    You may say it to whoever you believe as God, or to Nature, or to the Universe, or to Life, or to the Source of Creation, or to your own self, or simply in the air to nobody.

    Just say it either verbally, mentally, loudly or softly, however you want to.
    Say it as many times as you can/want.

    2) Another similar variation

    Format: I _______ FORGIVE YOU _____________, YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME, THANK YOU.
    Example: I FORGIVE YOU , YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME, THANK YOU.

    Keep saying this the same way as explained in No.1 Either mentally, loudly or softly or however it works best for you. You can even frequently write it and then burn/tear the paper.

    While saying “YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME”, put greater stress/emphasis on the words “FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME”.

    These energetic exercises are to break the negative link or to cut the negative energy cords. The end result would be harmonious and in alignment with you and for your greater good.

    Remember to say it as many times as possible. You can even say it involuntarily (meaning: just like alphabets ABCD… without thinking much about them, or like singing a song). If you are doing something else and you are disturbed by his memories, then immediately start chanting and do it continuously till you are OK.

    Either the other person will not bother you much OR even if he is bullying it won’t trouble you much OR life will put the other person out of the situation in some other place/circumstance OR life will put YOU out of the situation in some other place. Whatever it could be will be for your highest good.

    Best wishes of Positivity and Light to you,
    VJ

    December 15, 2016 at 7:00 am #122767
    Gee
    Participant

    Hi Joanna

    I fully empathise with your situation, I have found myself in a number of work based situations where I have been bullied, in various different ways. It is extremely difficult to confront the person who has been undermining you; that is why bullying is so effective. You are in a tough situation, so first and for most show yourself some compassion, no should of, could of negative self talk.

    Here are a couple of things that might help you deal with the situation.

    Pause to consider where the other person is coming from. What do you think their thoughts and feelings might be? Take into account what might be going on with them. This step is hard to do when your whole being is caught up with a sense of injustice. But it is an important step in helping you to defuse yourself. Keep in mind that your view point comes from your experience, your filter.

    When you are feeling calm (and strong) ask to speak to the problem person away from your usual environment, somewhere neutral (if possible). The aim of the meeting / conversation is to assert your position but in a non-confrontational manner. Easier said then done, I know.

    Brain dump, all you anger, hurt and frustration on paper. Write down what outcome you want from the conversation. This will help you sift through your heightened emotions and bring clarity.

    When speaking use “I” statements, rather than “you” statements, as this is less accusatory and will prevent the other person from going on the defensive. For example, instead of saying “ I find it very upsetting when you shout at me.” you could say “I find that I get very stressed when I am shouted at, I wonder if there is a different way for us to communicate”.

    IMPORTANTLY it isn’t about whether the other person agrees with your view of whats happening. It is about you being clear on what your values are and where your integrity lies. You are honouring yourself. If you approach the conversation from this position it might help you feel more empowered. This is about about helping you do what you need to do.

    Good luck and as VJ said do repeat the mantra I’M SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME THANK YOU. It is healing and supportive.

    Lesedie

    December 15, 2016 at 8:36 am #122777
    joanna
    Participant

    Thank you for all your suggestions. He is better today, I know he was concerned as he was stressed about something. He usually is okay but when he gets stressed, I get the verbal brunt of it (I could cope normally but have had an horrendous year, which is why I am less able to cope). I have read a book about the chanting, I will surely try this. Thank you.

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