I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know that many people view porn as harmless, however I’ve come to develop a different view. It’s hard to explain but I think it trains a man to view women as vessels, that sex is a quick grunt. Women can never live up to a porn actress because that isn’t how we work. I personally need a deep connection, I need to be seen to my core. If you look on YouTube there is an excellent Tee talk called Why I No Longer Watch Porn, and Russell Brand also has a Yourube video that you could share with your BF. It’s hard to explain, as a woman to a man, and him seeing a video from another mans perspective will likely help. There is also a book called The Way of the Superior Man.

That book is by David Deida.

You are right to feel as you feel. However you also need to und compassion with your liver, he is living in a world where women are now oppressing themselves by creating a pseudo sexuality. Expressing our femininity means being in touch with our sexuality and expressing nothing less.

I’m sorry I assumed you are a woman

First I am sorry you are feeling anxious and hurt.

There is more information needed for advice. Do you have money to live on -or you dependent on the friend you are staying with? Do you have employment? Was the home you made with him-rented, owned–who paid bills? Do you have transportation? Money? What is your relationship with your family?

Did you have anxiety problems in the past? Do you have an emotional support system? Have you ever lived on your own?

These are survival questions, Love, relationships change–but having the basics of a physical shelter and emotional support are paramount. Is the friend you are staying with able to willingly take this on?

Your boyfriend continued to watch porn when you asked him not to—you decided it was a deal breaker and left him. you blocked his number and he has not hunted you down and tried to convince you to come back. That is harsh and hurts.

You asked what someone would do in your place—I would make sure I was helpful around the home you are living in. I would find out how long I could stay. I would get my life together without him. Some people cannot be with a partner who watches porn–I happen to be one of them. I find it offensive.

I would cut him out of my life like a bad spot in an apple.

Be strong–get out of bed. If you need a therapist see one. If you need a job get one. Treat yourself kindly.

Seaisland

Dear smallpeiceoflife,
I am sorry, that you are feeling bad. I want to compliment you on your proactive behaviour: you called your Bf out on his behaviour, you did not accept it and you packed your things and left for a friends place. You have been very active. Think maybe ybout what gave you the drive for doing that. There is something or some energy/insight driving you. Do you want to follow this path and leave him for good? Or under which circumstances would you be willing to come bacck to him?
Take good care of yourself while feeling low- ask your friend to help you out there.
And then continue on this procative walk in your life/relationship, that you have shown before.
with empathy

It certainly appears that you wanted someone to tell you to give him another chance…..It already hasn’t ended well. A porn addict has not hunted you down and asked for another chance–you would like to call him. Several people took time to respond and stated you deserved better.
You can only change yourself not him. Sorry you didn’t hear what you wanted.

tootle loo

• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Seaisland. Reason: left out word

Very quickly: there isn’t anything wrong with porn unless it becomes a preoccupation. If porn gets in the way of real life relations or it creates unfair expectations.
However, there is something wrong with dishonesty & demanding someone’s behavior to stop.
I believe the correct response is communicating not ultimatums. Sometimes porn helps relationships with passion & fantasy- nothing wrong with healthy sex life- but sounds like there was something wrong before porn.
You made an abrupt decision that you seem to regret but if your partner’s behavior disturbs you, take some time & move on.
You’ll find a better match.

Hello,

I just wanted to say that I too dislike porn and will not tolerate it in my relationship. I told my boyfriend I would leave if he continues to watch porn and he stopped. This created a lot of tension between us as well. If this is what you want/believe in then you have a right to tell your partner and then it’s up for them to decide whether they can accept it or not. Contrary to what someone said, there is a lot of research on how porn destroys relationships and decreases intimacy and relationship satisfaction. Here is one: http://www.socialcostsofpornography.com/Bridges_Pornographys_Effect_on_Interpersonal_Relationships.pdf