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Catharsis

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  • February 7, 2014 at 5:55 am #50497
    Manuel Durán
    Participant

    Hello,

    I just kept on coming to TB for a piece of advice, and each time I find helpful things about people going through break ups and difficult situations. It’s been very helpful, though i’m currently experiencing certain panic attacks.

    I’d like to tell you a bit of my story and I hope you fully understand despite of my lack of vocabulary (english is my second language). Every time I read anything related to letting go and see all the advices about people deserving better, I can’t help on understanding I am the villain in this stories, I mean the character of which many of the stories talk about: the guy who broke up, the guy with issues from the past to deal with, the guy who wasn’t truthful and also the guy who loves deeply his partner despite of the contradictory behavior I display.

    I didn’t mena to hurt anyone and still I’m the one really hurt right now. I ended my relationship with possibly the person I’ve loved the most in my life. How do I know that? Because I’ve never met someone as honest, caring, wise as my ex, and still after a couple of years of relation I was looking for things outside the relationship, fooling around and somehow risking the most beautiful thing I’ve ever shared with someone, I realise now that it might be product of some sort of self esteem problem somehow I felt I didn’t deserve the love of such a beautifull human being.

    I started living a double life, being insecure all the time, the conflict inside me grew and I felt bad every time I saw my ex at the eyes. Sometimes unconsciously hurting my ex, like somehow wanting to make him feel some of the pain and confusion I was experiencing, and still he kept on being understanding and supportive. I guess that’s the biggest lesson I now understan I got from all this, to be rela to oneself, and love no matter what.
    I ended up suffocating myself and I moved out all of the sudden. My ex didn’t expect it, it was a punch in the guts, I now feel miserable I have lost a great person and now have to deal with a great deal of anxiety, probably thinking I wasn;t good enough for him. I guess I just need to learn the lesson from all this and hopefully be that amazing person for myself and eventually for someone else. Thanks for listening,

    February 9, 2014 at 8:40 am #50581
    mariana c.
    Participant

    Hello Manuel,

    I have just registered to be able to answer you.

    I have read your catharsis text and it touched me deeply. I am myself dealing with a break up right now, and I’m suffering a lot. I am 32. I have been on your side of the story, now it’s my turn on you -ex side of the story.

    I have been on a relationship with a guy for 6 1/2 years, and for the last 2 years I was exactly in the same position as you. I started living a double life too, had extreme panic attack several times, etc. In my case, my partner broke up with me; of course I felt like my world was over, but a part of me was still curious about “the world outside the relationship”. Then I have been in several “relationships” with different people, and took some time to know what I have lost. Then I had to deal with all my insecurities, traumas, anxiety problems on my own. But I think I did. It took me a lot of time to heal from the empty the relationship left me, and get over him, and even more time to heal my previous wounds.

    One year and a half ago I met this beautiful girl, we connected in a way was unbelieavable. We’ve been together for 1 year, but then she is now when I was before with my ex. She is fooling around, overwhelmed with guilty feelings, etc, and I can see from here she is also suffering.

    I don’t know how to make sense of all these also. But I guess we are learning.

    February 11, 2014 at 6:47 am #50755
    Manuel Durán
    Participant

    Hey Mariana,

    Thanks for replying and sharing, I guess it’s something we gotta go though while trying to get something from it. apparently what happened with your ex made you realize that something needed to change, similar sort of revelation I’m having right now. I’ve come to understand I need to love and respect myself more so I can do it to others, otherwise all fears and insecurities will always lead to contradictory and inconsistent behaviors.

    You’ve done the healing process and change took place, now you see things from a different angle and also recognize what’s going on with your girlfriend. One big lesson was taught to me by my ex, it was the lesson of trusting the universe and loving carefree, which also involves “don’t do to others what you don’t want to be done to you” so I guess we just need to trust and try to genuinely love without all we were taught about love by movies, music and media and don’t get me wrong on this one I’m a filmmaker myself but ever since romanticism, drama has taken over love. Jodorwski says “”So much the tree loves the leaf that it lets it fly away in Autumn”.

    Wish you all the best. I’m glad you shared. 🙂

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by Manuel Durán. Reason: redundancy
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