Hello Felix,

Thank you for sharing. I replied to this post as I recently had to make a decision about work and hopefully might be able to help. My decision was whether to stay in a safe, comfortable job or to try something new and do a job that was more in line with my long term goals but had less stability. Deep down I knew the answer that was right for me (I chose the job doing something new with less stability)- you said you are leaning towards a ‘no’ and perhaps that, along with the phrase: ‘This is one of the last chances I have to move ahead, advance, make more money’ suggests that you should hold out for a better offer. You can probably find a job that can allow you to advance AND spend time with your dog and do training on the side. The reason I say this is that I am doing a job and also doing training on the side and that’s what showed me is that if we want to make time for something we will.

My other thoughts are that the right answer feels expansive in your chest and the wrong answer feels more constrictive, I know its difficult when you feel under pressure, but when I was making my decision I went for a walk and spent some time by myself and then when I was feeling more calm and rational, I was able to hear how I thought over all the noise.

I think its okay to be nervous and feel scared- the future is the unknown, but for me the fear I had of starting a new job and leaving the old, did not outweigh my decision and my feeling deep down that it was the right thing for me to do- so perhaps if the same is true for you, you know your decision.

My advice would be to take a deep breath and listen to yourself. Your wife and friends, family etc are useful to talk to about pros and cons and all the practical things but you are going to be the one accepting or declining the job offer, it is you that has to live with the decision so just spend time with yourself and just go with how you feel once you have thought about pros and cons (as pros and cons only take you so far). It is only natural to feel scared whatever decision and,  to be honest there is not really a right or a wrong answer- only option A or B and you can always change down the line, even though I realise it feels really important now but no matter what you choose your wife and family will support you no matter what.

Also a long while ago I had the opportunity to go for a career that I wanted but I doubted myself and my fears held me back and I do regret this now. I have found an alternative career and I am happy in it but I do often think of where I could be and how different my life could of been if I had more faith and confidence in myself and that only comes by doing. There is nothing wrong with aiming high and wanting more.

I read this quote the other day and it makes me think of your situation:

“It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.”

https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/44567.Theodore_Roosevelt- see here for more. These always inspire me when I am feeling down.

Best wishes and please try not to stress and worry and analyse, go for a walk, cook something nice or have a shower or go for a run… the answer will come to you when you stop trying.
 

Dear Felix:

Congratulations for making your choice. Your post above reads reasonable to me, making sense. Except for the last comment: “I think it’s time to grow the f up”- a bit harsh on yourself. It will serve you well to be gentle with yourself as you take the more difficult route. There will be challenges, as you already know. For the very purpose of succeeding in challenging yourself, in rejecting the easy, gentleness with yourself will serve you well; harshness will harm you.

anita