If you really want to understand why, then I recommend you read this book:

There is a reason why the meditation practice was recommended. Meditation has been proven to help with handling emotions. It just doesn’t happen overnight or after one or two times.

Someone in the comments section also recommended another book for those who are unable to even imagine positive feelings:

Hi Rahel,

I have been reading your dialog with The Ruminant.

Given your high IQ, you now can study this topic including the books identified. As you go let’s hear what you are learning. Please include us more on your journey.

The Ruminant you are very kind and patient in sharing your wisdom!

You both deserve kindness to yourselves. Treat yourselves to something nice.

Thank you for your dialog – it reinforced what I gave learned about how forgiving myself and others has set me free to be a better me moving forward.

Big blue

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Big blue.

Thanks everyone.

Hi Rahel

Getting back to Dad. Yes, growing up I have had similar problems with Dad as well. His anger, his ways of doing things and his discipline didn’t suit me as I wanted to lead my own life the way I wanted to. I had this problem with not one but many people close to me. I was the problem kid. I was stubborn in my own mind. I did not think about others much and I had a great capacity to hurt anyone with my words and arrogance. This capacity has reduced in the past few years ha ha ha ha

I have been lucky to have many great people come into my life who have tried to teach me forgiveness but eventually, I had to learn it in my own ways and in my own time.

When I realised that Dad and Mom were doing the best they could in their capacities, my anger started to melt little by little. I could understand that Dad and Mom are not ME and I am not them. Yes, we share a genetic print but we are 2 different people. People can be different. People can have their own agendas in life. We can live peacefully with each other and without each other. Dad was being the way he was as that’s the upbringing he was given by his parents. Does that mean that I start to hold anger for his parents and his ancestors ? NO. I was able to accept that Dad is Dad and he is doing what he is good at. He may not know any better and he may never come to see my perspective in life. I also learnt that no one ever says or does anything wrong. There are always 2 sides to a coin. Your perspective may not match mine and mine may not match yours. However, this doesn’t mean that people are wrong.

Within a few years, all anger was gone. As the anger left, acceptance took its place. Every time he said something, which didn’t agree with me, I would just look at him and smile in my mind that Dad is Dad and I am ME. We don’t need to agree on things.

We could have continued the cycle of suffering if I didn’t choose to break it with Dad. I left my arrogance behind and chose to take charge of my life. And now, he has followed the suit. He doesn’t get angry with me and I don’t get angry with him. We talk like friends who have accepted each other for who we are with all bads and goods. Who is perfect in this world as a person ?

Above obviously didn’t come about from doing meditation alone. Sometimes, when our mind is too logical (esp with high IQ), no amount of meditation practice can help us achieve a state of balance as we are constantly in a state of questioning (Why this and why that etc.) Logic keeps taking over and the meditation practice looses its meaning and we feel that meditation hasn’t done what it is supposed to do. Once you shut this logic brain with love, forgiveness and acceptance, meditation can take you to new heights of bliss. And I agree with The Ruminant that meditation is like an exercise for the mind which can achieve great results. An exercise, which works well when we are in charge rather than the mind 🙂 Well, that’s what my personal experience has taught me anyways. To tame the mind, we need understanding of self and others.

I shall take my leave from this thread. Wish you all the best in your forward journey.

Jasmine

@rahelabraham

Thanks Rahel 🙂 You will be fine and I know this very well in my heart. Keep in touch.

Blessings

J

Rahel, remember a time in your life when you fell down and got wounded? Now till the time that wound healed, everything that it came in contact with stung and made you feel more hurt? If you really really think about it, you hold a hell lot of resentment towards yourself and that channelizes to everyone around you. Stop living in these fears and thoughts – there is a world bigger than you out there. My words might anger you and make you think i am an insensitive person. Perhaps i am but i will add only this- You cant control the past, neither can you control people and circumstances entirely but you can do something about the way you deal with it. Why are you so hard on everyone now? I realize that things havent been simple for you but truth be said, they are as flawed as you are.

The bigger question is – What the hell do you want from yourself and others anyway? Do you actually have a clue?

Inability to handle emotions in combination with perceiving most things as a threat.