Home→Forums→Spirituality→Can not regain that incredible love experience.
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January 15, 2018 at 12:51 pm #186857
crystalmoonParticipantHello everyone,
This is my first post here. It is such a lovely website with so many wonderful supportive people! Thank you all.
I want to share my story and see if anyone had a similar experience and some views on regaining the blissful state.
I am 33 and a mother of two. For a long time I was in a depressed state, I tried different ways to get out of it, from positive thinking to making myself busy with external things. Then I tried homeopathy and essence healing, my wonderful homeopath gave me some interesting remedies and one of them set me on a horror ride, I had a terrible dream where I was killed, then I woke up and had severe panic attack, since then my life was changed, I was having panic attacks almost every day, they would come out of no where, I was going to the hospital many times with thought that I am dying. It lasted about one year. Towards the end of the year I went on a diet eating only vegetables and proteins, lost lots weight and was terrified that something was seriously wrong. Then my mother came from abroad to try and help, only bringing some uncomfortable trouble, however during that time i was going through lots emotions of anger (towards my mother) and relief from working lots and being alone (gratitude that someone was there), then one day I somehow dropped something … some internal weight, and like a light switch there was a deep realization towards everything! An incredible indescribable sense of love, compassion and understanding towards everything and everyone, I was connected to everyone, I was all and all was me and yet there was separation as well. All made sense at that time, there was no bad and no good, there was only love, everything was going as it was meant to be, it had a great plan. I was overfilled with joy, I was love! And I also remember calling it mother love too. I had deep acceptance towards myself and others, they were allowed to be just as they are, just like plants growing, some are still small others are bigger, others blooming. There was a deep love and gratitude towards God too, I was so thankful and loving to God ? (it makes me tearful). I also started seeing lots, lots numbers and light radiance around other human beings. It all lasted for two weeks and left as it came. The heaviness, the separation, the wrong and right were back, the feeling of love all gone and emptiness instead. Since then I have all the knowledge left with me, I try my best to be a better human being and be more accepting and understanding towards others but I can’t feel that love, I have been seeking now for 3 years, trying again and again and I can’t reproduce such a powerful loving state within me, I do have fears and anxieties, no more major panic attacks anymore however. I just feel so sad that I can’t feel that love again, I never felt anything like this in my entire life. I will keep on trying, I am probably blocking that love somehow because I clearly remember being in that state, being it. Also I came off the diet at about that time when Love left, maybe it’s sugar?
January 15, 2018 at 8:28 pm #186909
TriciaParticipantHi crystalmoon,
I registered just to reply to you. I had the same experience around 2012. It’s incredible and I’ve been working to regain it ever since as well.
The good news is that we are that love, that joy, that connection. But to get there permanently we have to let go of all that we are not. For me, there’s been a LOT to let go of! Currently, I’m processing rage at having to incarnate because of the suffering I experienced in three specific past lifetimes. I never imagined that was even there!
I’m sorry your homeopath let you go through the panic attacks. I have been using homeopathy for the past 6 years and early on I had a panic attack after taking a remedy. My homeopath gave me another remedy to take only if I started to panic. The next time the panic moved in, I took that remedy and the panic was immediately gone. I was instantly feeling normal. Homeopathic remedies do bring up the negativity we are holding in our unconscious, body, and energy field—including fear and anxiety—and we do have to feel that stuff to release it, and it can be hard, but my homeopath has worked with me to make it as manageable as possible.
I am a different person today as I have let go of so much. The walls have come down and I am my authentic self (minus the rage currently being processed and whatever happens to be under that, lol). I feel that love and connection to all and no longer see right and wrong. It took a long time and a lot of courage, but as you know, it’s so worth it!
In case it helps, other things I used were Reiki (and I got my Master Certification in that), meeting monthly with a small group of women to learn about connecting to intuition and to get to be yourself with people who don’t judge you (lifesaver), chiropractic, the Body Code, meditation, yoga, EFT and probably a bunch of other stuff I can’t think of right now. I think the most important thing is that it is just happening to you, whether you know it or not. Stuff will come into your life when you need it to help you release the pain that is stored at the next level. We’re like onions, and as each layer is shed we get closer to the core of who we really are.
Hope this helps. Enjoy the journey!
January 16, 2018 at 4:12 am #186961
AnonymousGuestDear crystalmoon:
What an interesting share. This is my input, my thoughts and feelings about your share:y
Your last line is: “maybe it’s sugar?”- I believe that too much sugar is harmful, distressing the body, and reducing excess will help, but it will not resolve your anxiety because the anxiety did not originate in your sugar consumption.
Way more likely than sugar, your anxiety has to do with the fear underneath those “lots of emotions of anger (toward my mother)”. Underneath the anger there is fear. Animals are afraid first, then they run away or fight. Anger that follows fear motivates the animal to fight, to defend itself or its territory, to promote its survival.
That two week experience of well being is interesting. I remember perhaps a similar experience, when I consumed a certain narcotic drug long ago. It was indeed indescribable. I called my mother in that state and said: “I love you” and meant it, was in complete peace about it, no anger.
I couldn’t believe it, didn’t know it was possible to feel so good, to feel completely without distress. No fear, no shame, no guilt, no anger. Pleasure filled me and stayed for hours, the whole day and into the night. I didn’t want to go to sleep so to not miss on that experience. When the feeling finally dissipated, a few days later, I took another dose of that narcotic.. and then again. After a few times, the drug stopped producing that euphoric experience and replaced it with vomiting. A … distasteful ending of that lovely experience.
Back was the anger, and the cringing as I said to my mother, out of an obligation, out of guilt: “I love you”. Back was the distress. Years later I started my healing process and stayed with it now almost seven years. The peace of mind is slow to come, is not euphoric, not complete, not like that experience.
The fact is that your experience as you described it has to do with chemicals released in the brain, that is how we feel anything at all. What brought about that chemical temporary change of two weeks, I don’t know, could be a rapid loss of weight, the body’s starvation mode (sensing it is about to die for a lack of a particular necessary nutrient, the brain releases some euphoria producing chemicals). And in that euphoria, things you read about, concepts and ideas came to life in a new, invigorating, refreshed and refreshing way.
anita
January 16, 2018 at 11:04 am #187053crystalmoonParticipant@tricia Thank you so much for your reply, your story is lovely, it’s great to hear there are others who experienced this amazing state of love!
My homeopath did not leave me to go through anxiety with nothing, she gave me quiet a few remedies, however they did not help as much. It is nice that you had your anxiety dealt with very easy and quickly. And you have done so many interesting alternative courses and therapies, that is great, so nice that they helped you through your journey. And wow, past life traumas and rage, that is indeed amazing that those things are stuck with us, we carry karma and other unresolved issues with us and each day gives us opportunity to work on those.
I also remember now that during that time the golden rule was present, I was talking with others the way I would want to be talked to. The more I think this way the more I start feeling that love again, and then I notice some blocking thoughts appear, so I gotta keep on clearing those thoughts. Another thing during that time was that all love and kindness was reflected to me by other people, I noticed people smiling more back, they would simply offer little kind things to me, I was amazed as I did not even expect anything and they were coming, so I felt even more joy hehe.
So gonna keep on going, It is worth everything!
btw this lovely person had exactly same experience http://www.nderf.org/Experiences/1helen_s_ste.html
All the best!
January 16, 2018 at 11:26 am #187057crystalmoonParticipant@anita Thank you very much for your interesting input and opinions, I appreciate it.
Its interesting to view it from a brain perspective and phsicological perspective, what is happening with bodies.
I remember more clear right now that there were a few emotions trapped in me and i would not let them out, i felt really ashamed, and then later the release of control of others, i remember letting go of trying to change my mother and allowing her to be as she is with her good sides and flawed sides, also i had a realization that majority of us want to be accepted for who we are, we all want to be loved and treated with respect, we all want to be heard genuinely, and so I was able to open up and give it out. Later I closed off and had a feeling of being a victim and not wanting to give love to others because they don’t deserve it. Ah it’s great talking about it, I see more clearly on what I need to work hehe.
About narcotic you had, some things like that block specific receptors so your true self can get through. You know I had such a funny experience, I was having my stomach checked out good while ago and was under anesthetic, when I woke up I was talking joyfully with everyone, when my brain started to get more conscious I started hearing myself more, and later fully present I was amazed how much of my talking I could not recall at all, and yet I was there, I was talking without being aware of it lol.
Thanks again for all of your support again!
January 17, 2018 at 5:47 am #187181AnonymousGuestDear crystalmoon:
You are welcome. Maybe what my experience on that narcotic and your two week experience (reads lovely to me!) have in common is that anger wasn’t there. That blocking of specific receptors you mentioned, maybe it is the anger that was blocked. This is why I was able to talk to my mother and feel nothing but joy and love and well being. No anger.
The anger, though, it will not go away for good unless it served its purpose, after we respond to the source of danger in our lives, the person, that is, who is harming us.
anita
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