It seems as though you are just not used to not having that other person in your life and presence and that is completely normal and understandable. Everything you are saying and feeling is entirely normal after you’ve lost someone that was such a big part of your life. I know what it’s like to lose someone and feel so empty, you feel like they added so  much colour and love into your life and then it’s just gone and your not used to it, you want it back.   I have recently gone through a breakup as well but i’ve realize that all of this probably is happening for a reason. You are the one who chooses to carry on or not and stay in a positive mind set to get yourself through this and it seems as though you have been doing that and that is great.  With time you will heal and you will forget about this pain and something else will fill the hole in your heart, but patience is key. You have so much life ahead of you, so many more people to meet and love. It’s time for you to live in the present and future instead of the past. Acceptance is key to happiness and if you can accept what has happened and realize that there is a future for you, you will be happy again.  The answer to your question is yes.  Without breakups we would not learn and grow. These things in life need to be experienced because without them we would not learn to be strong or resilient.  You need to accept change for what it is because it is apart of being a human and apart of life.  Think about how he treated you. From what you’ve said it seems as though you put more into the relationship then he did. Don’t you think that you deserve better? This is just another experience in life that you need to go through in order to gain independence and strength.  Another experience of which will lead your next relationship into a better one.  Think about how you were before you met this person and dated them.  You were okay before you met them so you will be okay again and eventually. You need to realize that you don’t need this person in your life you only need yourself.  The hole in your heart can only be replaced by loving yourself.  You will find happiness and you will find another person that is worth your while and your love again. If you decide to be positive, you will invite positivity into your life and happiness but it is all your decision. A breakup can either make or break you but you can decide wether you want to carry on and find happiness, but just remember then when one door closes another one opens.

Hello Mina,

I totally understand how you feel as I am also going through a breakup. My ex left with a lot of things unsaid.

Like you, I used to plan everything with my ex in it. We lived together and spent all the time together. He was my world. Losing him is like losing a piece of me or even my life. I have been devastated but I also realize that I need to live again just for MYSELF.

Nothing in the world is worth losing yourself to, not even a man you deeply in love with. I, too, was afraid of changing, because I didn’t want to lose him – in me and in my memories. I was afraid that if I changed, then he would be out of my life for good. However, the truth is, they are already out of our lives. No matter how much we loved them, they still chose to walk away, whether the relationship ended in good or bad terms. The only thing we can do is make changes and prepare ourselves for a better life and the right person to come around.

I was the one who stopped myself from moving on, because I didn’t even want to. My family and friends started getting tired of me because I didn’t even want to help myself. I lost all desires to do anything. I shut myself down for entirely a month – I didn’t work, I couldn’t eat and sleep well. Then I came to realize: How can someone love me again if i didn’t even love myself? That’s the moment I started to let go. Yes, I am still trying. Letting go is very hard, but I know eventually I will find happiness again. Please pull yourself together, love yourself, and live for yourself. Open your mind and embrace life again. There are so many beautiful things in this world. Don’t lose the forest for the trees.

Sending you lots of love.

Connie

Dear Mina:

I would answer the question: “Can a break up truly change you?” in a general way that may- or may not apply to you:

A break up can cause a person to be able to separate Fantasy from Reality: the Fantasy that existed in one’s mind before and during the relationship vs. the Reality that became increasingly evident later in the relationship and during its breakup.

anita