Dear Helcat:

The Four Noble Truths are the heart of all Buddhist traditions and the basis of the Buddhist framework. Much of the following is my understanding, my words: of the Four Noble Truths, the First points to the problem: suffering and dissatisfaction, the Second points to the cause: attachment and desire, the Third points to the solution: accepting everything that we experience inside our brain and body.

Radical Acceptance is a term in psychotherapy with a close connection to the Third Noble Truth. Radical Acceptance does not mean accepting harmful behavior, either from ourselves or from anyone else.

It is the practice of being aware of what we are experiencing in our minds (brains) and bodies, positive or negative, and welcoming it, embracing it, instead of resisting it, tensing up our muscles and pushing it away.

It means not shying away from sorrow or pain. It means recognizing our thoughts and feelings without negatively judging ourselves for them or feeling forced to act upon them. When noticing a thought/ feeling/ intent/ desire that we dislike, acknowledge the thought, feeling etc., compassionately (instead of judgmentally), while not indulging in a behavior that we would disapprove of. It is about honoring what we experience mentally and emotionally.

Attachment can take the form of the desire to have something, or the desire to be free of something that one has but does not want, e.g., pain and disability. You wrote: “I still have a habit of an excessive anxiety response to small issues” – according to the above, the solution to your suffering (excessive anxiety) is to stop wanting to be free of it. In other words, to radically accept it, one moment at a time, and again and again.

Radically accepting our distressful experiences will, in most cases, lessen the distress because it puts us in the natural state of flow, instead of in the unnatural state of being stuck (stuck in the distressful experience).

The Buddhist principle of no-self (annata) is helpful as well in lowering anxiety because it helps us to take ourselves and our inner experiences less seriously. Each person normally thinks of himself/ herself as a separate, solid, independent self: a separate body, male or female, of a certain age and looks with one own’s thoughts, feelings, problems, dreams and desires, etc., a special and unique entity. But reality is that the physical and mental phenomena that exist in my physical body also exist in every one of billions of people all over the world.

There is a universal sea of the rising and falling of physical and mental human experiences, and I am just a drop in that huge sea. I am not the sea; I am a drop in it. Away from the sea, a drop cannot exist (you cannot hold a drop in your hand) because it is not independent.

I do not have an identity that is separate from the sea.

I remember that I used to think, after feeling unusually calm and at peace, following gaining new insight into my childhood, that I will always feel calm, and then, when I got very anxious or depressed again, I thought that something went terribly wrong, as in… what did I do wrong, where have I failed, why did I not remain calm. It was faulty thinking based on the non-reality of a solid, separate, permanent self. All along I was a liquid drop in a liquid sea that is always in a state of change.

The Buddha taught that everything is in constant change, things coming into being and ceasing to be, nothing lasts. There is no solid, fixed nature to any experience. The way to as much peace as is possible to experience in any one time, is to radically accept this reality, repeatedly, every day.

I want to close with two of the eight guidelines of the Eightfold path laid out in the Fourth Noble Truth:

# 3 is Right Speech: refraining from pointless and harmful talk, speaking kindly and courteously to all.

#4 is Right Action: seeing to it that our deeds are peaceable, well-meaning, kind, compassionate and pure.

anita

Dear Helcat:

You are very welcome. “Acceptance can be difficult for me. I am very stubborn, and I believe in my ability to change things” – this brings to my mind the Serenity Prayer: “god, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

“How is the cat?” – hopeful news: a friend will bring his 11-year-old daughter to the apartment this Saturday, she wants a cat, and if the two get along (I hope she manages to coax the cat out of her hiding spot), she’ll take the cat home.

anita

Dear Helcat/ Everyone:

Looking for the tale you mentioned I came across an incredible online resource I didn’t know about- wisdom library. org. It offers summaries of many books on Buddhism. One book summarized is titled, A Brief Outline of Buddhism. Here are two quotes: “The Buddha was endowed with Divine eye and Divine ear… He is devoid of greed, hate and ignorance; He is the All enlightened… He preached the first sermon which was on the middle Path which lies between the two extremes…  The Middle Path…  is the Noble Eightfold Path, namely, Right Belief, Right Thought, Right Speech, Right Action…  Right Belief is the realization of the Four Noble Truths, namely, “this is pain, this is the cause of pain; this is the cessation of pain, and this is the way that leads to cessation of pain…

“The great importance of the Middle Path or rather the Noble Eightfold Path in Buddhism cannot be over emphasised. It is so important that it is often called ‘The Message of Buddhism‘ in spite of the fact that The Buddhas Messages are, as mentioned previously, in thirty-one books. Really it is the ‘MESSAGE of BUDDHISM'”.

Helcat, you wrote: ” I am not fond of affirmations but…  give myself permission to be happy. I shall also practice the serenity prayer regularly and see where it takes me” – the teaching of the Middle Path is, considered to be the first lesson the Buddha taught after awakening, is about a path of moderation, which in regard to your quest, would mean (I am thinking) not wanting too much to accept what you can’t change (the serenity prayer), and not wanting happiness (your affirmation) too much. In regard to happiness, the Middle Path would be about avoiding attachment to the idea of being happy, on one hand, and avoiding aversion to the idea of being unhappy, on the other hand, while practicing the Eightfold Path… in moderation.

anita

Dear Helcat:

First, good news (!!!) the 11-year-old girl and Simon the cat met last Friday, three days ago, earlier than expected, and it was an instant love story, the two instantly liked each other and are now together!

I am looking forward to reading about your understanding of the Four Illusions.

By the way, the Buddhist term anatta means no-self; anatta sounds close to my (real) name (anita). I like the resemblance!

anatta

Dear Helcat:

“Tolerance towards other people and tolerance towards ideas” – connecting this to the Four Noble Truths, lessening my attachment to how I think other people should look like, sound like, act like, etc., will increase my tolerance of other people. Lessening my attachment to ideas, will allow and encourage me to look at issues from different angles, to consider different and new ideas, and in so doing, gain a better, truer understanding of people and issues.

“I have noticed that whilst I’m in distressing emotional states, not much good comes from the thoughts created. It is more useful to watch and not act on these them, unless needed” – well articulated, if I may say so. There is a saying in regard to anger which can be extended to any distressing emotional state: when my anger goes up, my IQ goes down.

I hope that other members participate in your thread, Helcat. It’s been slow in the forums. Do you think that it may encourage other members to post in your thread if I take a break from it for some time, so that it doesn’t look primarily like a two people conversation?

anita